when it all comes to reality

I have read fifty shades of grey, darker and freed. Hands down best book I've read, probably not the best on the grammar and literature, but the main point of the story, hands down it's been the best I've read. For once, I imagined a book coming to life, that actually makes me quite excited for fifty shades of grey movie, as in, can you imagine getting married to Christian Grey or even dating someone like him? Being that small town ordinary girl, you helped your room mate interview the richest eligible bachelor, and at the end of 3 years, you have a kid with him, happily married, making him a changed man.
I was in class earlier today, my teacher asked "what's your life goal/what do you want to achieve in this life/ where do you see yourself in the future", well I was still in the mist of my land of fifty shades so all I could think of was getting married to someone like Christian Grey, probably the type of guy I'd wish to meet in life would be like Grey, as in the changed part of him (if you read fifty shades of darker and freed, you'd get what I mean) From such a broken guy, to such a loving dad. I miss America, i miss making friends awkwardly at cafes, I miss playing eye contact with people over there, I miss how friendly I was. It's all so different now, so much different (i'd continue this later, let's finish the closing chapter of fifty shades of freed) It's been a good book, reading it has certain took up alot of my time, I have finished more than a thousand pages in less than a month, I have flew to fantasy land and took a week to get back. Could you imagine having someone to love you so much that's willing to give up everything just to be with you? I can't. I like guys with sharp tongue, argues back, loves the things you love, has the same hobby as you, never wants you out of his sight, gets you mad at him but always end up smiling in the quarrel, who cares about your safety when you don't, do the slightest things to make your day, introduces you to his family, show you what romantic really meant, stealing all your first times, unreasonable to very much reasonable, changes his entire universe just for you. Yes I know, it's just a fiction book, I'm not the sort who likes fiction books, I prefer non fiction as it's much more realistic and I know i'm in no fantasy land nor living in a world full of fairytales, it's like the real-deal sort of thing. The first and probably gonna be the only book I have completed reading that's fiction. Grey's the sort of guy I'd marry knowing I wouldn't have a doubt on him at all, but again it's all like a living modern day fairytale that could only happen to 1 out of 20 girls? Another thing my lecturer asked me today "could money buy love?" well it can't, we grew up with the mindset where money can't buy those essential things in life, but if no one told you money can't buy love, you'd think money can buy love. This is completely out of link, but who cares.

Okay, thumbs up for the book but here's a short draft on how's my week of school's coming along!
I realized that my most enjoyable lecture would be critical thinking, it's like basic fundamental of psychology thinking, it's realllllllllllly good, it makes you think, alot. I've found out tertiary life is really different and much open to sexual stuff during lessons, I mean, the gap between a secondary school lifestyle and a tertiary one is so different, but different in a good way? It's much more hands-on and you don't study a wide range variety of stuff anymore, so much more focused and it's good.
Going back to school after a year, I think i'm falling asleep, so not used to it, but I'm glad I got my feet walking to back to school now. sighpie, but it's really making me horribly busy, sigh.
Anyhow, I missed having free time, taking free time for granted isn't good, i realized that too. Okay, i've to get back to my boring research, if you wanna help me, please be my lovely guest.

It's been a year and making friends isn't my thing anymore, it's so hard to start a conversation with people, my class is filled with probably half foreigners and I don't know how to speak chinese so I can't converse with them using any other language than english that they probably not understand at all. It's weird cause I've this thing coming up and I've nooooo friends to form a group with, like really, no friends in class, I mean afew or not even a handful, it sucks quite abit, I'm in a class of 80 people and I've no idea how to get out of the box of being an introvert and make friends, life sucks. how now?

love you, goodbye.
laters baby.

alittle too late -

My week's been really really dready, it's quite horrible actually. Shifting into a new environment has been hectic, somewhere when I'm clearly not used to. Walking to the bus stop seems to be quite a distance, but oh well, the only word that I'm living with is "ADAPT" sighpie, i feel your pain when you move from the east to the north.

 I've been wanting to go back to ballet for a really long time, but then, school's gonna be a killer if I start ballet, as in, I had a year to do whatever I wanted, and now..... it feels so wasted like I didn't do anything I wanted, all I did was travel/ eat/ sleep/ shop. I thought I made it a well-spent year, but thinking about it, it was actually a really bad year, falling in love, getting drunk, flying across the pacific ocean, taking rides from strangers, well, that seems pretty much the thrill I had when I was 17, but it's all so different now.

Okay, I read fifty shades of darker. HANDS DOWN, it's the best book i've read, no kidding! If you didn't read fifty shades of grey then you wouldn't really get it I guess? It's no doubt the best book that has made me sooooo captivated by the plot, I mean, break up - get back together - his ex came back to becoming a stalker - he bathed her and ana got pissed - went for a charity fund raising hosted by his family together - met dr flynn - his ex broke into his place - his ex scratched ana's tire and splashed paint  - they moved to a hotel while security searched his place - he bought her a new car - no more kinky sex because of her - trying to compromise each other - telling his deepest darkest secret - she didn't run away - he acted like a sub when he thought she was gonna leave - he proposed to her - she said she had to think about it - everyone thought he went missing - charlie tango caught fire - his birthday present from her was a keychain and the back of it wrote "Yes" - cause she thought since he had everything, the only thing she could have given him was herself - they are engaged - he told his entire family - mrs robinson was a complete bitch - his mom found out about what happened when he was 15 - he knew she wanted hearts and flowers and a romantic proposal - he brought her to the garden and showed her an entire bed of flowers, proposed to her and she said yes - book ended so we all gotta buy fifty shades of freed .

HANDS DOWN GOOD.
no judging lah, i'm not into the kinky sex part honestly, but if you are then fifty shades of grey should be enough cause fifty shades of darker isn't focused on the kinky parts, it was more on their love story, really cute love story actually.

Maybe one of the reasons why i'm so engrossed and absorb into the book is because Grey reminds me of you. Taking away the kinkery part of it. He really reminds me of you. You were mysterious, everything behind the doors - I knew nothing of it. You're really secretive in whatever you do and with those tiny bit of fights that always makes me end up smiling, the sharp tongue that you have that made me completely in love with it. You made me eat all the time because you said it was really important to have me healthy. You'd think wherever I went was dangerous when it was without you. The posh restaurants that I could probably have never been able to afford, paying for almost everything - thank God you were don't pay for my shopping though cause that would make me irritated. How you left me straight after a confession - isn't that how the first book kinda ended? But they came back together after 5 days, it's been near 9 months since you left, sometimes I feel like you took my sanity along with you, and as much as I hate to want to let you go, I think it's time I should have let you go. I miss having the same hobby as someone, I miss talking about stargazing, sitting at the cbd area looking at the lights of the city with you, I miss listening to classical music and talking about different types of musical with you, I miss having a guy whom actually loved shopping, someone who could pick out pretty outfits that I thought would have looked great on me. Acting like a kid together, especially fighting to pay the bill. Someone whom loved and appreciated dancing like I do, I miss having someone that had the tiniest similarity to me - loving the color pink and loved hello kitty too.  The sweet sweet sweet talks you would always use, the different pick up lines you'd use to tease me with. Talking about almost everything under the sun without the fear of being judge, or even having no make up on and you'd still say I looked the prettiest. I miss those days, I really do. I've not met a guy since then that could make me feel that way, the foolishness I had when I thought I was never gonna be able to meet another guy cause no one would be like you, cause I was being stubborn and only wanted you, well now that you're gone and presumably never gonna come back, I'm gonna start moving. Ever since i moved here, I burnt every should ex boyfriend's item, but your's. You were so special, and I could go on and on about this through my entire post, but I want to thank you for everything you've done to make me feel special, like a princess. They say dreams come true, I dreamt of you the other night and it runs vividly clear in my mind still, but again I know dreams never come true at any point. This entire week was a killer, I wanted to drop you a text telling you how much I've missed you and wished that we could be friends, just friends and nothing more, but guess we can't go back to that anymore, like you said "we can't be close". Well that's it, I know you changed your number and I know I sound hopeless here wanting to type "move on" yet I continuously type all this nonsense and reminiscing over you. I have missed you for the longest time, but it has finally sink into my heart that you're not gonna be back.
I just had to get this all out, somehow.
Thank you for being part of me, thank you but now you're another memory lane.


Well that's it, another chapter's gonna be closed. A new one would be opened in one more day, school's gonna start and I'm pretty excited to see where I'd be next.

fast forward.

all this packing makes me go sane, i need horrible retail therapy, I been shopping online so much, that I realize the amount of clothes I have is just piling up in plastic bags.

PFFFFT .

i miss my bestfriend
i miss evany
i miss wave
i miss fio
i miss skew
i miss smallbutt
i miss evan
i miss siew
i miss boo
i miss zo
i miss zanny
i miss dancing

i miss so many things, i've so little time, and i hate moving house.
I really hate it :(

packing things into boxes without a helper, it's insanely insane. I've soo many things, but just the short note.
It's my last night here.
gonna miss telling the cab uncle "i stay opposite the prison, so you know where's the prison? i can direct you from there"
SIGH, i'd miss late night walks.

thanks 37 mariam walk, for the best moments here.
happiest and worst, you were good to me.

under the sun

Photo by: Fiona Sng (http://smittenpixels.blogspot.sg/)

All girly things. 

I'm a girl, I get how you feel, and honestly if you're in the zone where you're feeling all: I hate being a girl because I hate emotions, and I hate that guys don't have to go through this shit.
I was about to head to bed, but I had the urge to type this all out because I wouldn't be able to be able to sleep if I didn't type it all out. Ha.

Let's see how I can type this all out,
I've dated, quite a few guys infact, but them being officially my boyfriend? Well, I still can count the numbers with my fingers. I'm no slutty whore, but if you perceive me that way through the first sentence, then well, let's see if you'd continue reading this. I've took quite awhile to come out of my blanket, I take a real long time getting over guys, I been hurt in probably all sort of ways guys have came to hurt girls, I never been dumped but I been left hanging, and trust me, left hanging is torturous too.

I spent hours, days, months crying over this guys, and I know some what you(yes the person reading this) has ever cried for a guy, yes? Whether you got together with him or not, yes you cried for a guy.

Also, I'm guessing you have ever felt this before, go home and cry and just say "what's the point of living when all you do is feel emotional crap"

If I ever had magical powers, the only power I'd want would be to not feel any emotion, or rather not feel any negative emotions. I hate emotions, really. Numbing it all would be what I do best, but again, there's no such thing as not feeling the negative emotions and only feel the positive ones, because if you ever realize, when you numb yourself against the negative emotions; you're also numbing yourself against the positive ones, so you turn out to be pretty cold even to the funniest jokes.

When I was scrolling through this website looking at all sorts of quoted pictures, I was like "omg this", we are all human, probably girls just being girls, so don't think you're the only weird one feeling this way, because I did too, hahaha.

Okay, that's about it, why am I posting all this. I've no idea, but I thought that, you should know that you're never alone, no matter how "big" you think your issue is, it isn't as big as you expected it to be, or if it's this really complicated issue that you are able to spend hours reciting over to friends, you'd feel like "don't ever say you understand because you know no shit about this, you haven't been through it so shut the fuck up", well, I used to think that way, till I met Fio. I guess, no matter how alone you feel, or how you feel no one understands, I'm sure you'd be able to find just one soul that has been through the same shit as you did, I like reading blogs and I've tons of penpals, and recently one of my penpals was telling me about her daily lifestyle now since she's living with her boyfriend, technically i'd say, I love the american lifestyle because it's so different from Asians, or maybe it's just Singaporeans, anything or everything you do, you'd be on stomp, well just saying. haha. 

Pffffft, side track.

anyway, I don't know why I can't sum my words up, or rather, i'm unable to type my thoughts down, it's soo weird. 

#I am shifting houses, so i'm quite busy. that kinda sucks. I'd post up a picture soon? Hahaha. 

Anyhow, get ready for the new adventures. 

I'm gonna post about anything and everything under the sun. 

-

So I mentioned about this girl Fio.
She's the sweetest, and it's funny because ever since M left me, I hated making friends, I hated hanging out or keeping up with friendships, but having conversations through text made me feel really comfortable(surprisingly), she's just this warm and friendly girl that I realized is soooo much like me, I am so grateful for her, I can't even describe how thankful I am to have been able to meet her. Though it has been just a short one month, she's been blessing me wonderfully, I mean, how could someone be so similar to you. Despite the age difference, wellllll she still looks pretty young to me, hahaha it's really amazing how i'm able to just talk to her about anything under the sun and she'd be there listening to me and it's great because she's one of the few who i'd think would never get bored listening to me whine and talk all day long. She's such a qt and I'm really glad I met her :) Thinking about it now, I wonder what would have happened if I didn't meet her, because she's been there for me especially through those hectic weeks where I could just talk to her, she's the type of friend who matches to your "criteria friend list" that hardly anyone would have met up with any criteria. She's amazing, and i'm glad I met her. Love you sweetie.


Okay goodbye, or rather.
Laters baby.
(I miss reading fifty shades)

fifty shades.

I wish I could hate you more than I do now, but i'm incapable of hating you so much, incapable.
I really miss you, you know that?



-
Well, I've been reading fifty shades of grey, and honestly it's the best book i've ever read, not counting the erotic parts, but based on how profound it is, it's a literature book, so yeah it's profound and rather captivating(somehow).
HONESTLY, I wanted to read the book really badly, but subsequently I thought that...... welll probably this wouldn't be so bad, and I went ahead to buy it, hahaha I felt at soooooooo much guilt at first because all my friends nagged and said I shouldn't get it. Well, I had no regrets reading it, honestly! I'm hooked to the book but definitely not the erotic parts. I spent 22 hours reading 526 pages, i feel accomplished, but the way E L James describes the characters and all their doings, thumbs up for her man.
I don't know if you want me to spoil it, but here's a short snip of what I can summarize the book on:


-
Anastasia (Ana) Steele is a 22-year-old college student living in Vancouver, Washington with her wealthy best friend/roommate, Katherine (Kate) Kavanagh. They are both on the cusp of graduating from WSU, where Kate is a journalist for the college paper. She is scheduled to interview the “enigmatic CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc,” Christian Grey, who is a benefactor of the university and will hand out the diplomas at graduation. However, she comes down with the flu and gets Ana to go to Seattle to do the interview in her place. Ana reluctantly heads to Seattle to conduct the interview and is caught off guard when she comes face-to-face with the handsome 27-year-old billionaire CEO. The interview is rather awkward with Ana being rather nervous and Christian being very intense and arrogant with his responses. We learn a few things about Christian: He is a control freak, and he is adopted, and he is not gay (apparently many people think he is because he is never seen with women despite his good looks and status). He even turns the tables and starts asking Ana questions about herself, and we get a slight sense of a flirty attraction between the two. The interview ends, and Christian sees Ana out to the elevators where they part ways.

After reading, Ana rolls her eyes, which has always been a rule-breaker for Christian. She realizes what she’s done, and asks if he wants to spank her now, to which he obliges. However, she teases him by getting him to chase her around the kitchen. He playfully goes along with it and says that it’s almost as if she doesn’t want him to catch her, and she admits that’s exactly what it is. She states, “I feel about punishment the way you feel about me touching you” and he is immediately saddened and horrified by this, showing just how much the notion of anyone touching him makes him fearful. Ana says she lets him spank her because he needs it, and he admits that he does need to hurt her, but nothing that she couldn’t take. She wants to know why he needs to hurt her, and he says that if he tells her the reason, she will run screaming from the room and will never want to return. He doesn’t want to risk losing her because he couldn’t bear it and starts kissing her and begging her not to ever leave him. She senses in all of this, that Christian is lost in some private darkness and needs help. She decides to let him punish her. He is shocked and confused by this change of events, but she insists that he shows her “how much it hurts.” She admits she is confused and not sure about going through with it, but at least they will both know if, once and for all, if she can handle the extent of his need for control.

Christian leads Ana to the playroom and asks her to bend over a bench. She gets herself ready, mentally, telling herself that she can do this. Christian clarifies that he is going to hit her six times with a belt on the butt and that she will count each time. He tells her he is doing this because she rolled her eyes and tried to run away from her, and he doesn’t want her to do that. He begins, and hits her once with the belt and it hurts a lot. With each hit from the belt, Ana is in a lot of pain and cannot control tears streaming down her face despite wanting to control herself. After the sixth and final blow, he immediately embraces her lovingly; however she pulls away and wants nothing to do with him. She calls him a “fucked-up son of a bitch” and leaves the playroom. Christian is completely shocked and does not understand.

Ana cries in the other room, sad that she’s in love with “fifty shades” and that this was all a wake-up call that there is no way she can be with him if she has to endure punishment like that. Christian joins her, bringing her cream and Advil for the soreness on her butt. He holds her and begs for her not to hate him, and she apologizes for the terrible thing she said. She also states that she can’t be everything he wants her to be, and he disagrees, saying that she is everything he wants. She doesn’t understand, saying that she isn’t obedient, and she is “sure as hell” not going to let him hit her ever again like he just did. With a sudden bleak expression, he says, “You’re right. I should let you go. I’m not good for you.” She doesn’t want to go and finally confesses that she has fallen in love with him. He is horrified by this, saying that she can’t love him; that it is wrong and that he can’t make her happy. She claims he does make her happy, but he says “Not at the moment, not doing what I want to do.” With that, she resolves to leave him and asks for some privacy to shower and get dressed. Brokenhearted, Ana takes out a gift she got for Christian (a model kit for a glider) and leaves it for him with a note saying it reminds her of happier times.

Ana and Christian are both fully dressed, and he is taking a call from Welch, his security advisor. He is clearly angry about something and asks Welch to “find her” (at this point, we don’t know who “her” is). He hangs up and watches Ana unpack her MacBook, Blackberry, and Audi car keys and place them on the breakfast bar. She requests the money that Taylor got for selling her Beetle. He tries to convince her to keep all of those things, but she coldly refuses saying she wants nothing that will remind her of him. He writes her a check and offers to have Taylor take her home, and she reluctantly obliges. Before she leaves, he makes another plea for her to stay, but she refuses saying she “just can’t do this.” They part ways and Taylor drives her home. Once at her apartment, she curls up in her bed and cries.

-
okay im gonna stop, that's the first chapter and the last chapter, the middle's for you to find out.
but ahhhhhh I'm gonna get fifty shades of darker tomorrow, I can't wait. I mean, don't judge me, I'm honestly not reading for the erotics and i'm in no support if you're getting the book just for the erotic parts, but yeah if you're really on for a modern day love story sort of thing, it's a book I definitely recommend to get, but don't get hooked on to the book like I am.








"I am fifty shades of fucked up" 
Laters baby.