2018

2018 - it definitely wasn't easy. Maybe even, the worst. 

How do I even begin. I guess the two thankful things that might have happened would be I graduated, and  I got a job with a really lovely team. 

It's been hard, it's been so hard. One filled with procrastination, hatred, and fear. I been so reluctant to look back into 2018 just because of how disgusting it has been for me, but it this bad karma, or is this just bad faith turned wrong?

It started off fine, but here's that timeline of how things went south real quick -
V left, she went off to the south and started her job earlier before the year even started which was the biggest bum.
In March, the one person I could trust my life to in New Zealand ruined me. He stripped away every bit of faith I had in humanity.
April, I was intoxicated, I was constantly on alcohol, drugs, and I was about to quit my last lap of university.
May, I got my stomach pumped over and over again - i turned suicidal and I was at my worst.
June, I decided to move back to New Zealand because I wasn't ready to face my demons in Singapore just yet. I couldn't see my mentor anymore just because i was no longer a student.
July, I fell so ill I needed a surgery - had 9 holes on my upper thigh and was at one of the lowest points in my life.
August, I broke up with my 4 years boyfriend, Brian. and got new a puppy called Peanut. 
September, I fell out with a really close friend because I decided to move out into V's place - but maybe that was for the better as well. then I got Pretzel and Bagel.
October, I decided to move back home. I came home to face my demons, but it just got worst. Family wasn't there anymore.
November, I got a job, I thought things were maybe getting better..
December, Peanut passed away from a hit and run. Saw how disgusting Singaporeans could be on social media and lost faith in everything.

This is a glimpse of 2018.
And today, I am out of my wits, I'm at the end.
I'm so desperate for help,
but I have no idea what else I can do.

why

Everything is coming to an end - either it's me running out of patience or I'm just tired of the usual routine of life.
Maybe it's time for my break, it''s time for me to learn to love myself and figure what's good for me. It's time I figure out what I am going to do next and how I am gonna get there. It's time I solely think about myself and only me. I should stop worrying about everyone and what they want.

At this stage in life, I think I have the capacity to only love myself and Donut. I don't think I can deal with another let down.