you know that i'd carry you.

"When the vision you have gets blurry
You don't have to worry, I'll be your eyes
It's the least I can do, cause when I fell, you pulled me through
So you know that I'll carry you" 

because he's my favorite 5 year old, 

because he's my bestest friend,

because he's my boyfriend, 

because he's mine.

It's going to be a good six months that I have gotten to know this annoying fella, well pretty much it was a crazy messy story, but I'd always say, if you hear my story I'd definitely make sure you go "awwwwww" he's so amazing and I don't know how he does it. 

I could be world's annoying little girl, spoiled and pampered, but he doesn't spoil me at all, and mind you, this guy, has a temper of a 5 year old, he throws tantrum all the time, no kidding. hahahah (i love you still), and it's so amazing to see how he tolerates with me, all my crazy everyday pms moments, yes this 6 months was no joke, alittle like hell for the both of us, but you know..... the past 2months since we got back together has been really great.

Today marks a new adventure, I don't know if it would be a crazy adventure, but I know it's an adventuring I'm definitely looking for, for someone whom's lifestyle's so different from mine but's capable of loving me this much - I go beyond words for this. 

to my little 5 year old,

i'm really blessed, probably spoilt and really kiddy most of the time, but I am thankful to have you around me, hahaha I would never forget the day where I told you "I don't wanna be the girl that you just hold hands and get the I am your girlfriend title, you must ask one okay" and you went like "what the heck, ask?!" but you see, you still asked, hahaha and even though yeah we act like we are together most of the time, but only we both knew the truth where there was no title and basically an unknown boundary between us still, thank you, for respecting little decisions or stupid decisions like that of mine. heeeeeheeeee. I love you baby, i really do :) 

goodnight, I had a great day x  

runs through the veins of my mind.

discovering yourself out of the unknown.

Pretty much all the time I would feel like a failure or someone bond to fail every single one/thing. It's scary to realize how my life seems to be revolving like day-by-day and clearly I'm not used to it. Every single day I'd think of what if I do this and this person gets upset; what if I fail my papers; what if I start hanging out with this person; what if I invest in something worth nothing. Doesn't it feel like the scariest thing ever. Somehow, I find myself back at the same spot everytime something drastic happens. I end up running back to my perplexed feeling of home but I know there's no home but hell in me. Today I asked myself, what if I was just... equally messed up as how I was before, what if the thought of the past comes back to haunt me all over again, what if I became nothing but vicious and plain deceiving to others, because I really really hate the thought of it. Come to think of it now, I feel as though I am losing it again. I'm not used to it, really.
I don't want to be messed up any longer, I dislike being such a hectic mess all the time. I don't like the feeling of not being good enough, I fear to fail you just because I won't be good enough. The thought where I'm just plain self absorbed and keep things to myself scares me. Was this who I have always been or was it just because of one small incident to everyone but seemed so big to me that made me like this. because trust seemed to be the easiest until you ruined it. Probably I'm crazy, well crazy's a usual term on myself, or maybe treating myself like this was the usual thing.

I don't want to live a sad life. I'm pretty much contented, but contented with what? Just because everyone assumes I get everything and probably anything means it's I live that perfect life? I wish.

-

Moments.

because I grew up feeling like it was never alright
just because it never felt right

It's gonna be one-heck of a week, I've been working for hillsong so thumbs up for me, and recently, I got caught in a really sticky situation, and for the first time I consulted my parents about it, for the first time after 18 years, I consulted my parents about it - just because I felt lonely and scared, feeling like I could not do anything about it but to agree into it's terms. I never knew what my parents were capable of doing to help me out of any situations I fell into, I never knew they could be capable enough to help me out, just because they have never ever done so for me. Well, practically speaking I realized that your parents are the only ones that are able to help you out in the toughest and hardest times, the ones that you can count your back on without doubting it.
I love them. Despite the way they have brought me up, despite the way that they have hurt me. It's amazing to see how they can love you when you clearly have the biggest fault. They are amazing. It's as good as saying they saved my life from a lawsuit, I mean, if they never loved me, they wouldn't go to that measure to agree to helping me out. 
-

Ok, it's gonna be a hardcore week ahead especially since I've exams next week, #letsgoline!

yay for favorite shows.

Have you had that favourite show where you have the favourite couple in it?
I think Liam court and Annie willson are the cutest couple ever. I just watched the season finale of it and they ended the show by getting engaged.

Ha, if you ever ask me why I presume they are the cutest couple ever, I guess it's because they present themselves as such inspirational people. The sweetest line he could have ever told her was "I'm the guy that has always hurt her, even if we love each other, i would end up hurting her all over again" sweetest thing ever.

I can't even, I can't even describe how cute they are together, from high school to college, or even just fooling around with each other but never ever together because there would always be someone really bitchy blocking or lying to get towards Liam. SIGH RIGHT, ok I felt extremely frustrated when I watched the show cause I've always wanted them to get together. 

Actually, they are probably the cutest couple that I've seen, but it's all virtually, like this would never happen in reality sort of thing, but still it's like how people say Chuck and Blair are really cute but I have never watched an episode of gossip girl so I have no idea about that. I used to be such a television glue, but ever since school started, television seemed to be the last thing on my list to catch. Again, I can't stand how Liam loves her so much, to fast forward to the end of the story or rather, the current season that I caught, there was this girl inbetween them, and they were supposed to move to Australia together, therefore Annie thought she should have treated herself alittle better and she had to move on, so she was supposed to leave for Paris, but when Liam was about to go to the airport, the girl that was with him asked to read the last chapter on the book she wrote.

It's like HOW CAN YOU NOT FIND THEM CUTE. I find them too cute, like really, probably that's why 90210's my favourite show, the way they ended up being friends. You know, they never liked each other till they graduated into senior year, all of them were bitches towards each other, if you have never watched this show, please just go watch it, you're missing out man. Now, they are more than friends like family, ya know.

Tell me, how can you not think that they are cute, I mean really, just look at the photos and I can go all crazy about it. what am I doing man, I have class tomorrow and it's 0324 and I am talking about 90210. Yes, but still 90210, tooooo goooood. Probably because I spent my entire day typing about a long assignment that has yet to be completed, so this is my break. 

Oh and yes, after he read the book, he realized that she didn't know what type of guy he was, and she has always wanted him, but he never knew it either, so she got on the plane and when it was about to departure, he rushed towards the plane and raced along with it, just in time before she flew, he managed to stop the plane, and when she got down, HE PROPOSED. and yeah, Naomi told their entire gang about the engagement, and now the show ended, it ended. I mean ended, sigh sigh, I'm gonna buy a disc and marathon over it man. 

that's it goodnight guys, I have morning class tomorrow, nooooooo.