Everybody hurts just alittle too much.

I remember how much i used to love daisies.
I remember how much flowers meant to me.
I remember how easy it was to feel happy like a kid getting a candy floss.

i remember.

Suddenly when it feels like your joy got robbed away from you, when all else feels gone. Like nothing really mattered any longer. Maybe, maybe it was all just me, all brought down against myself to lose everything else along with my sanity. The constant feeling when I think I'm crazy. Am I? Or is this just another crazy thought. It feels all stupid, like all things in your hands suddenly feel like it's all turning to sand. I'm such a feeler aren't I. Suddenly it's all how "this feels and that feels", probably that's why I was told to be self absorbed - maybe I am, thinking about only myself, hurting everyone around me so they wouldn't hurt me first, throwing them all out of my life. Quite a horrid lifestyle huh. As much as I'd love to say sorry, I guess the amount of apologies would never be able to heal a broken heart. Being happy was something easy, and probably hard to have façade about, isn't it hard to feel happy? Or do you think someone like me even deserve happiness in their lives. Happiness, what exactly does it feel like to achieve it, I've always thought shopping was the only source of my happiness, feeling like splurging was probably everything, but I realized it was just a form of feeling that pinch in every hard work, the feeling to not have anything when money was probably a necessity that I didn't see - in some sense, probably it was considered self deceiving or self hurt. 

I used to think that I had everything and could have anything within my hands, but not anymore.