losing sanity.

I was told that I'm better than this.
I was told that I can do this.
but I can't, not anymore at least.

This is killing me, it's killing me even more, when happiness was the easiest thing to find within people, it became the hardest thing to fight for when I left you. Crazy right, when you leave someone you realize how much they mean to you, but when you realize that you left with the reason to not be dependent on the other party for any emotions. I feel like a dying flower, trying so hard to gasp for that sunlight till it hits dawn, but i'm losing it, I'm losing every bit of sanity left in me. It's like I'm not even sure of what I'm doing anymore, not any of my capabilities. It's like as though i'm dying here. You know, dying. My subconscious is eating me up, and I'm allowing whatever to bypass me because I don't even realize it.

I miss you. 

They told me, you left him for a purpose, don't go running back till you find what you're looking for or till you achieve that one thing you left him for because it's going to break him even more if he realizes that you gave up finding and you gave him up too, I ask myself constantly - why does it feel so hard to detach myself from him, probably I've been overly clingy, afraid that I'd lose him, took him for granted and relied on him for my every need. Scary isn't it. I wasn't like that, not at all, i lost myself when I lost X, now I feel like I can't find myself any longer, he left and took my sanity, he ruined my inner soul, he ruined me. 

I would be fine, I'd fight for what I feel like I've lost, maybe not today, maybe not a month from now, but I know I'd find what I'm looking for.

I'm leaving in afew hours time, thank you break.