have you met those sickening assholes
where they come to you when they are in trouble
or even
when they need help.
basically they just come to you when they need you
other than that they leave you alone.
and when it's your turn to ask for the same favour back
they dont bother
they dont fucking bother
about what could happen
but when it's about them
they would go like
"pls, help me leh, pls pls pls"
and you could do the entire favour just for them
but when you ask them to do a small part
of the favor you
did for them
they ignore you
and also
have their phoens go
missing
the entire night
till the next fucking day
i mean
coincidental
but really
dont you feel like shit at
all
for making use of people
like come on
monthly
maybe sometimes it isn't
losing the phone
it's ignoring
the question
for something else
i mean
dude
dont fucking make use of people.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Monday, November 4, 2013
everything with nothing.
this is eating my soul, it's going to eat up what I wanna post, but it would suck the life out of me even more.
well, i don't really know how to start.
but I know it's going to eat me up if I don't start somewhere.
-
Maybe I've high expectations, high enough to face disappointments all the time to be able to get used to being disappointed. I used to stop expecting because I liked the saying "expectations leads to disappointment, so why expect?" it was probably the only saying that could have me living in that spot where I stopped expecting anything from everyone because disappointment was all tragic disappointments. But subconsciously, I realize I expect alot out of someone whom means so much to me, but not everyone would be capable enough to meet my every expectations, they eventually grow tired of trying to and they give up and they leave.
They leave. They all leave.
As much as I want to believe that people wouldn't walk away, I think I found a better way to put it. Everyone you met now, are just people transiting in life, they would come and go - Temporary Friends. True? sounds better and much more legit to me.
Maybe it's just me, just me ruining everything that I once hold in my hands.
You want to know what's going on in my mind? here goes:
I feel as though everything's coming back to me, but I feel as though everything that is coming back is making me lose everything that's in the current position of where it is. I am contented, contented and satisfied with everything I have now, but I feel like I'm in this whirl pool, where I don't know where the exit is or how I am going to get out of it, I feel as though I am going down again, where I don't have the strength to get back up again. I feel like I am going to disappear cause that significant feeling I used to feel is gone. I feel like everything I have is here but gone. I feel like I have everything back but because everything is back I am going to lose everything else that has came after everything was gone. I feel like I am so alone in all this crap that I don't know how to define. I feel so scared because I don't know what is going to happen next. I don't want to cry, I don't want a hug. I don't want any of you to ask me if I am okay. I don't want any one to give me sympathy. You know that feeling when Ming left me, yes that's what I am feeling now. I feel like someone's going to leave me, someone so important to me but I don't know who isit.
I really dont want to go through another whirlpool again, not this time. I'm not going to be ready for a second time, not now, not ever. Don't break me again, don't make me feel like I would have to go through another round of hell again. I don't want to, I'm not going to.
tonight isn't my night.
well, i don't really know how to start.
but I know it's going to eat me up if I don't start somewhere.
-
Maybe I've high expectations, high enough to face disappointments all the time to be able to get used to being disappointed. I used to stop expecting because I liked the saying "expectations leads to disappointment, so why expect?" it was probably the only saying that could have me living in that spot where I stopped expecting anything from everyone because disappointment was all tragic disappointments. But subconsciously, I realize I expect alot out of someone whom means so much to me, but not everyone would be capable enough to meet my every expectations, they eventually grow tired of trying to and they give up and they leave.
They leave. They all leave.
As much as I want to believe that people wouldn't walk away, I think I found a better way to put it. Everyone you met now, are just people transiting in life, they would come and go - Temporary Friends. True? sounds better and much more legit to me.
Maybe it's just me, just me ruining everything that I once hold in my hands.
You want to know what's going on in my mind? here goes:
I feel as though everything's coming back to me, but I feel as though everything that is coming back is making me lose everything that's in the current position of where it is. I am contented, contented and satisfied with everything I have now, but I feel like I'm in this whirl pool, where I don't know where the exit is or how I am going to get out of it, I feel as though I am going down again, where I don't have the strength to get back up again. I feel like I am going to disappear cause that significant feeling I used to feel is gone. I feel like everything I have is here but gone. I feel like I have everything back but because everything is back I am going to lose everything else that has came after everything was gone. I feel like I am so alone in all this crap that I don't know how to define. I feel so scared because I don't know what is going to happen next. I don't want to cry, I don't want a hug. I don't want any of you to ask me if I am okay. I don't want any one to give me sympathy. You know that feeling when Ming left me, yes that's what I am feeling now. I feel like someone's going to leave me, someone so important to me but I don't know who isit.
I really dont want to go through another whirlpool again, not this time. I'm not going to be ready for a second time, not now, not ever. Don't break me again, don't make me feel like I would have to go through another round of hell again. I don't want to, I'm not going to.
tonight isn't my night.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
persecution from forgiveness -
"When everything was disappearing from your hands, who did you blame for all of it to be gone?"
It's sad how attaining forgiveness feels so hard, it's sad how people hurt others just for revenge.
I die alittle everyday thinking about fogiveness cause it's something I can't do, trying to forgive people around me and telling myself they don't, don't deserve it at all. If you're going to tell me, but you're in no position to hold on the unforgiveness, but if i ask you:
"If someone killed your little sister, made her insane and jittery all the time, would you forgive the person who traumatized her?" - maybe in my position it isn't the little sister, it was more of the inner person in me. How could someone possibly play with your heart just because he felt like it? To me it doesn't make any sense, for someone you trusted, someone you thought had changed, someone whom's going all finding a new girl, I feel sad for you thou.
-
I wish I could forgive you, get all this feelings out my heart. To make myself able to see you and not the hate I have towards you. It makes me wonder how do you feel whenever you bump into me or so. I hope you're doing fine, that's for sure, but I also hope that everything you do would be destroyed, fallen and disappear off your hands, yeah that is how much I hate you. Hate's such a strong word isn't it, but what's there to do when you want to forgive but the hate in you destroys every bit of hope there is for you to forgive that little soul that destroyed you.
Well i don't know, don't know what's there left to say.
In my point of view, people like you should just burn. It makes me feel so disgusted whenever I see you, it makes me feel so heavy for hating onto someone, but sincerely, I can't do it, I can't love someone whom I hate so much. I despise you, you and your every action or even need.
Till then,
I wish you all the best in your wrong doings.
Goodbye
Monday, October 21, 2013
xxx
It's going to be quite a hectic month, but I am kinda enjoying every bit of it. Feels like days since I last saw the favorite one, but it's my last month slogging the 72 hours that clashes with schedules of his. Thank God for my new job, so yay line :). It's been so crazy i dont know how I am actually surviving. but still, yay?
Five and Dime date with my dearest Mel and Zanny.
Who doesnt love a red velvet cake that looks heavenly sumptuous, but it wasn't that great I guess.
Jean and Deluca has one of the best cakes, but it caused me to gain a sore throat subsequently.
This was, my 2weeks old craving satisfied.
What do you call the inbetween of dinner and lunch, Idk. But Wimbly has the best waffles yet.
Mandatory selfie during mummy's runway show.
New found love for Macaroons, thanks to the boy whom have been constantly surprising me with it.
Fat boy's has made me say "This has been by far the best burger I have eaten in SG"
Met my new found favorite AC partner, but I have said my goodbye to the slog of 72 hours job. :(
And I didn't get to drink the chocolate milk before I left, SIGH LOR.
First attempt on Banana chocolate chip muffin and the chips didn't sink, yay!
Katong Laksa with the favorite boy on Errands day!
If you have yet to meet my grandpa, here's my all time favorite Ye-ye!
Im really tired,
it's my exam week.
And im working.
Idk what im doing
hahaha
Idk why am I typing so oddly today either.
Impromtu post, so goodbye!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
full-house.
Have you ever felt like you were going speechless.
Talked about something where you felt really stupid because you can't seem to put your fingers around
Or even thought about your current situation against the future.
They are the ones which scares me most.
My mind tends to fight against all odds when I'm alone, I ponder and realize that I'm standing still in every situation and I tend to allow my mind to wander in. It's been awhile since I felt the need to put myself in a situation where I couldn't fight against. In the most complex situation I end myself up in, I tend to tell myself "it's okay" or "i don't know"; but it's words to cover up the surface of your mind. it's okay doesn't seem to be the most confronting to use.
It's like putting yourself into this box of all your little fears, but all you are capable of doing would be closing your eyes, and allow those fears to take your mind away from sanity. Well, I've always had a fear of cargo lifts, and I had to take one alone today, so........ I kind of got alittle shaky out of it though it was just 2 levels down. Pathetic, I know.
What shakes me even more would be how scary it is when I think about the future against my current state. Asking yourself what you expect out of the future, and knowing nothing you have right now is part of what you expect, it's quite a horrifying scare.
Maybe it's because I set my expectations too high, or maybe it's because I place myself into that situation where I think I've to meet certain expectations, hence I set one I expect out of myself even higher, but what for expect so much out of yourself, you get nothing back - nothing.
>: i'm having a bad day cause I heard something stupid. And I thought to myself, maybe cause I can't understand the situation the person is in. It makes me so mad when I can't put my finger around something, it makes me feel really uncomfortable when I can't lay my finger down. But guys, if you say something really dumb or something that makes you sound stupid, I rather you not say it. I feel utterly speechless for things I hear when and being unable to respond would be another stupid factor. Well there goes.
Goodnight x
Talked about something where you felt really stupid because you can't seem to put your fingers around
Or even thought about your current situation against the future.
They are the ones which scares me most.
My mind tends to fight against all odds when I'm alone, I ponder and realize that I'm standing still in every situation and I tend to allow my mind to wander in. It's been awhile since I felt the need to put myself in a situation where I couldn't fight against. In the most complex situation I end myself up in, I tend to tell myself "it's okay" or "i don't know"; but it's words to cover up the surface of your mind. it's okay doesn't seem to be the most confronting to use.
It's like putting yourself into this box of all your little fears, but all you are capable of doing would be closing your eyes, and allow those fears to take your mind away from sanity. Well, I've always had a fear of cargo lifts, and I had to take one alone today, so........ I kind of got alittle shaky out of it though it was just 2 levels down. Pathetic, I know.
What shakes me even more would be how scary it is when I think about the future against my current state. Asking yourself what you expect out of the future, and knowing nothing you have right now is part of what you expect, it's quite a horrifying scare.
Maybe it's because I set my expectations too high, or maybe it's because I place myself into that situation where I think I've to meet certain expectations, hence I set one I expect out of myself even higher, but what for expect so much out of yourself, you get nothing back - nothing.
>: i'm having a bad day cause I heard something stupid. And I thought to myself, maybe cause I can't understand the situation the person is in. It makes me so mad when I can't put my finger around something, it makes me feel really uncomfortable when I can't lay my finger down. But guys, if you say something really dumb or something that makes you sound stupid, I rather you not say it. I feel utterly speechless for things I hear when and being unable to respond would be another stupid factor. Well there goes.
Goodnight x
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
blessing in disguise
I am not the best kind of person there is to mix with,
neither am I the perfect kind of girl.
Somewhat, I'm not even the girl close to perfect.
But like every other girl, I strive for perfection in some form.
Maybe 18's the age they all claim you're still young to make decisions for yourself, or maybe in every parents eye you're still the little girl.
I've always wanted to be different. I was born with an elder brother and two younger brother, hence the only girl. I've been protected and sheltered by my parents for 18 years, probably because of that, they kind of protected me from all the "bad people" there is in the world. I do dislike them at times, I do get frustrated with them, but deep down, I do love them. 18 years having such amazing parents, what's there not to love. Well, if you met my family, it wouldn't seem like the perfect family, infact, we are broken, we have individual issues with each other at times, but broken pieces are the ones that got us together. I've yelled, screamed, cried and disobeyed them, but isn't that what growing up does to you? Still, they love me despite me being such a mess. 18 years, and it feels like I'm finally growing up. If you have ever gone for a dinner date with me or started hanging out late with me, you'd know that my parents would be one of the most over-protective people there is in the world. I used to hate them, hate them so much for being such an ass, I thought age came with freedom, but it was maturity that came with freedom. Rebelling to everything, wanting to try to gain my "nightlife" freedom because I was legal to. I remember how I used to fight with her the moment I turned legal, trying to tell her about the law, but it makes me feel like a let down because, I finally realized what the term of love is from them. Protecting me for 18 years, and suddenly I'm stepping out and immediately wanting to try something I've known nothing about and something they know so much of, it made me realized that, how do you stop protecting someone so quickly when you protected her since her first breath, for 18 years.
Everyone has done something in their lives that would make someone else disappointed in their decisions. I've had a fair share of that. Because I hated how my parents were over-protective over my life, I lied to prevent nags and scoldings when I wanted to do something I knew they would forbid. Somehow, every single time my parents find out about something I've hidden from them, it makes me realize so much more about what they expect out of me. I love them, I honestly do. I would do anything in the world, just to please them, even if it's the hardest thing to do. They made me realize how afraid they are to see me grow each year, because it's going to be another year lesser to watch over me.
I'm the girl who loves shopping, wants to date a guy, get pampered, it food all day, get adventurous, gain experience of life and have my parents to watch my back still. Like what Francis always say, I'd never become a rebel in life because it just isn't me, but maybe just for the experience.
I'm thankful, for having such great parents despite the over-protective part. Blessed enough to have them despite the restrictions that they give.
I don't know if you would every see this,
but I love you mummy & daddy.
xoxo.
neither am I the perfect kind of girl.
Somewhat, I'm not even the girl close to perfect.
But like every other girl, I strive for perfection in some form.
Maybe 18's the age they all claim you're still young to make decisions for yourself, or maybe in every parents eye you're still the little girl.
I've always wanted to be different. I was born with an elder brother and two younger brother, hence the only girl. I've been protected and sheltered by my parents for 18 years, probably because of that, they kind of protected me from all the "bad people" there is in the world. I do dislike them at times, I do get frustrated with them, but deep down, I do love them. 18 years having such amazing parents, what's there not to love. Well, if you met my family, it wouldn't seem like the perfect family, infact, we are broken, we have individual issues with each other at times, but broken pieces are the ones that got us together. I've yelled, screamed, cried and disobeyed them, but isn't that what growing up does to you? Still, they love me despite me being such a mess. 18 years, and it feels like I'm finally growing up. If you have ever gone for a dinner date with me or started hanging out late with me, you'd know that my parents would be one of the most over-protective people there is in the world. I used to hate them, hate them so much for being such an ass, I thought age came with freedom, but it was maturity that came with freedom. Rebelling to everything, wanting to try to gain my "nightlife" freedom because I was legal to. I remember how I used to fight with her the moment I turned legal, trying to tell her about the law, but it makes me feel like a let down because, I finally realized what the term of love is from them. Protecting me for 18 years, and suddenly I'm stepping out and immediately wanting to try something I've known nothing about and something they know so much of, it made me realized that, how do you stop protecting someone so quickly when you protected her since her first breath, for 18 years.
Everyone has done something in their lives that would make someone else disappointed in their decisions. I've had a fair share of that. Because I hated how my parents were over-protective over my life, I lied to prevent nags and scoldings when I wanted to do something I knew they would forbid. Somehow, every single time my parents find out about something I've hidden from them, it makes me realize so much more about what they expect out of me. I love them, I honestly do. I would do anything in the world, just to please them, even if it's the hardest thing to do. They made me realize how afraid they are to see me grow each year, because it's going to be another year lesser to watch over me.
I'm the girl who loves shopping, wants to date a guy, get pampered, it food all day, get adventurous, gain experience of life and have my parents to watch my back still. Like what Francis always say, I'd never become a rebel in life because it just isn't me, but maybe just for the experience.
I'm thankful, for having such great parents despite the over-protective part. Blessed enough to have them despite the restrictions that they give.
I don't know if you would every see this,
but I love you mummy & daddy.
xoxo.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Rise
I write to feel better,
I let it all out in a way that I cannot describe.
It makes me feel better.
He told me "I have a plan for you, and that plan doesn't involve forsaking you nor leaving you by your side, I never left you and I never will". Then when you realize you're the one that have been walking away and leaving his side, but his doors were always open awaiting for you to come Home, that's right, Home. It's where you belong, home is where the heart is, home is where He is.
I can't even describe the amount of feelings I'm taking in: failing btt, feeling utterly like an utter glutton, realizing someone got something you don't, sigh guys, just sigh la.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
depressing lor
this was one heck of a week.
Recently I've been feeling really down reading about suicides and young kids finding life so miserable. I don't know if it happens to just teenagers in the states or it happens to every teenager. It sucks thinking about death don't you think so? And if you're capable of thinking about death, that would seem like your life pretty much sucks so bad you don't wanna live. Well, you're stronger than you think you are. Suicides aren't solutions. To break the term suicide down, it means you're admitting defeat to the pushovers in life. When I was 13/14, I used to think that "why not just jump it off, you wouldn't feel anything anymore, no more nags no more shit from your parents", then when I had broke off in certain relationships I'd say "fuck this. I rather die than to feel any of this", the cycle kept continuing and I realized I became really unhealthy. Trust me, I thought death was the best solution out of everything.
I'm going to tell you it isn't. If you "coincidentally" stumbled onto this page and you're feeling this way, please know that you're better than this. You're just shutting yourself out of the world because you feel as though you don't deserve any better, but you do. You don't know who I am and I don't know who you are either, but I'd want you to stay strong for yourself. I know you can.
-
Ha. I don't know know why I been feeling so emotionally recently, probably it was because of an article I was reading about while researching about the featured writing assignment. It was horrifying - not just the story, my assignment was horrifying. I was notified that I had a submission on Thursday and my assignment was due on a Friday when I had plans on Friday night already, so.... I sucked it up and sloth myself to start the 2000 word essay, but I managed to submit it on the so #gdjobline.
It's finally Saturday. I been a real ass, one heck of a..... idk la. I been shopping so much recently I'm going broke. It's depressing to see how my account drains so quickly....... so depressing. I swear. There wasn't much of highlight of the week, other than meeting the boy's friends for the first time. It was good I guess. Other than that, I had a pretty no-plans sort of week. Depressing la.
So much have been happening verbally, so many things to catch up on, but I'm so reluctant to meet anyone for dinner since no one's free for lunch I'd head home. Sigh.
Anyhow, I realized that there's so much into being a writer, it's something. I somehow enjoy doing.
Recently I've been feeling really down reading about suicides and young kids finding life so miserable. I don't know if it happens to just teenagers in the states or it happens to every teenager. It sucks thinking about death don't you think so? And if you're capable of thinking about death, that would seem like your life pretty much sucks so bad you don't wanna live. Well, you're stronger than you think you are. Suicides aren't solutions. To break the term suicide down, it means you're admitting defeat to the pushovers in life. When I was 13/14, I used to think that "why not just jump it off, you wouldn't feel anything anymore, no more nags no more shit from your parents", then when I had broke off in certain relationships I'd say "fuck this. I rather die than to feel any of this", the cycle kept continuing and I realized I became really unhealthy. Trust me, I thought death was the best solution out of everything.
I'm going to tell you it isn't. If you "coincidentally" stumbled onto this page and you're feeling this way, please know that you're better than this. You're just shutting yourself out of the world because you feel as though you don't deserve any better, but you do. You don't know who I am and I don't know who you are either, but I'd want you to stay strong for yourself. I know you can.
-
Ha. I don't know know why I been feeling so emotionally recently, probably it was because of an article I was reading about while researching about the featured writing assignment. It was horrifying - not just the story, my assignment was horrifying. I was notified that I had a submission on Thursday and my assignment was due on a Friday when I had plans on Friday night already, so.... I sucked it up and sloth myself to start the 2000 word essay, but I managed to submit it on the so #gdjobline.
It's finally Saturday. I been a real ass, one heck of a..... idk la. I been shopping so much recently I'm going broke. It's depressing to see how my account drains so quickly....... so depressing. I swear. There wasn't much of highlight of the week, other than meeting the boy's friends for the first time. It was good I guess. Other than that, I had a pretty no-plans sort of week. Depressing la.
So much have been happening verbally, so many things to catch up on, but I'm so reluctant to meet anyone for dinner since no one's free for lunch I'd head home. Sigh.
Anyhow, I realized that there's so much into being a writer, it's something. I somehow enjoy doing.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Something more.
So,
I had my first lesson on the module of "Featured Writing" today.
Woke up feeling all crappy cause I had to send my dad off to the airport, so I got up as early as 6am, finally had my macs breakfast but I didn't know that hotcake's the most sinful and ways the heaviest amount of calories in them...... so for the past few days of not consuming food and now the first meal I'm clearing my plate with has 638 calories.
Anyhow, made it on time for class today with the hope of seeing a charming lecturer, but no he was this guy that looked normal apart from being old, but featured writing seems to be something I enjoy studying about, but the lecturer made me realize so much more.
why I blog:
Probably for the fun of it. I like writing - it clears my train of thoughts, it breaks down what my massive all-day thinking mind is thinking of. Well, it helps me slow down and realize what's going on at the back of my head. Somehow, I never get the time to stop and think about situations, the moment I get tangled up in one, I'd start fretting and find all solution to resolve it rather than analysing what's going on. Maybe I dare not think what's going on or dare to take a step back to have that overview of the entire situation cause the last time I did that everything fell into pieces and I saw it falling right infront of my eyes.
I've no idea if I'm capable of being an "inspiration" or something "relatable", but that's somewhere I'd wish to see myself at one day. To at least inspire or let someone know that she or he is not alone.
I don't want to be the person who just goes all day and talk about things that happen, I don't want to write about something unworthy to have a read on, because if words had power in them, the writer holds a bigger position of power because the writer is the one controlling which word ought to be used.
I had my share of fun doing a ton of other stuff, but for once, I see a future in writing something more than what I am capable of.
Okay, till then,
goodbye x
I had my first lesson on the module of "Featured Writing" today.
Woke up feeling all crappy cause I had to send my dad off to the airport, so I got up as early as 6am, finally had my macs breakfast but I didn't know that hotcake's the most sinful and ways the heaviest amount of calories in them...... so for the past few days of not consuming food and now the first meal I'm clearing my plate with has 638 calories.
Anyhow, made it on time for class today with the hope of seeing a charming lecturer, but no he was this guy that looked normal apart from being old, but featured writing seems to be something I enjoy studying about, but the lecturer made me realize so much more.
why I blog:
Probably for the fun of it. I like writing - it clears my train of thoughts, it breaks down what my massive all-day thinking mind is thinking of. Well, it helps me slow down and realize what's going on at the back of my head. Somehow, I never get the time to stop and think about situations, the moment I get tangled up in one, I'd start fretting and find all solution to resolve it rather than analysing what's going on. Maybe I dare not think what's going on or dare to take a step back to have that overview of the entire situation cause the last time I did that everything fell into pieces and I saw it falling right infront of my eyes.
I've no idea if I'm capable of being an "inspiration" or something "relatable", but that's somewhere I'd wish to see myself at one day. To at least inspire or let someone know that she or he is not alone.
I don't want to be the person who just goes all day and talk about things that happen, I don't want to write about something unworthy to have a read on, because if words had power in them, the writer holds a bigger position of power because the writer is the one controlling which word ought to be used.
I had my share of fun doing a ton of other stuff, but for once, I see a future in writing something more than what I am capable of.
Okay, till then,
goodbye x
Sunday, August 25, 2013
you know...... me? (part 1)
Hahahaha, it took me quite awhile to realize what I like and dislike, and it took me even longer to realized I'm quite a flicker minded person/ indecisive or rather, I am really picky in terms of food, clothes (especially the waking up to "I don't know what to wear :(" feeling, like who feels me man). Realizing that I am really stubborn plays a big part to this nonsense too, it makes me wonder how people around me tolerates with what I subconsciously put them through.
Everyone has been doing this "20facts about me" on instagram, so I decided to do one here, but cooler, so 50! presumably that hardly know anything about me.
To start off,
#1 I have a signature pose in my photos.
I have never realized I had this signature pose till people started using this poseto imitate me, hahaha, if you don't believe, then go to my instagram to look at it man, I never realized I had such a standard pose to my photos.
#2 I have a crazy obsession with Victoria Secrets things.
Another obsession that I never realized till last year, I've two shelves of body mist and perfumes dedicated to just Victoria Secret's body mist/ perfumes/ body lotion and the list goes on. I still remember my trip to America the end of last year, I came back with 3 bags worth of items from Victoria Secrets.
#3 Japanese Cuisine or Sandwiches over any kind of food anytime!
I could eat Japanese food all day long, but I have never been to Japan, I LOVE Sushi and I can never get sick of it, it's just toooo good, if the boyfriend and I run out of places to eat, we'd head to any place that serves anything Jap, (hahahah, I'm glad he hasn't gotten sick of Jap yet!).
#4 I am a Introvert.
If you ever read any of my "emo" post the last time, I wrote something about socializing alot but I became.... a very bad introvert cause I dislike starting conversations, but I smile alot to strangers (yes I know im quite weird). So if you ever make a conversation with me, pardon me starting off with a really dead-tone, it's not that I don't wanna talk it's cause I take awhile to dare to make convesations.
#5 One of my little introvert moments to - Star-Gazing.
Introverts spend their time alone, most of the time! I used to star gaze all the time because I used to have this empty space outside my room where I'd climb out just to star gaze back when I was at my old place at Changi! Now I live next to the CTE and it's really bright to spot any stars. Oh and if you never knew, if you think there's no stars in the skies, just stare for awhile and count to 20, you'd see stars appearing infront of you if you actually focus on the sky.
#6 Sucker at money saving cause Shopping has became a daily habit especially since that my school's in town.
I love shopping but I love shopping alone, I am not the kind of girl who calls up her girlfriends to shop along with cause I feel like I'm quite a burden in shopping as I could spend 2hours and more in the same store and I get uncomfortable if the person accompanying me to shop doesn't try on clothes or nothing attracts her in the store!
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#7 I'd pick Buttermilk-Waffles w/ B&J's Cookie Dough Icecream over pancakes anytime.
I could skip my meals the entire day and still eat breakfast food, I love buttermilk waffles without a doubt man, omg with B&J's Cookie Dough Icecream on it, yummmmmz.
#8 You can find me slogging my life at Awfully Chocolate for 72 hours every month.
Yes I sold my life to Awfully Chocolate, ha im kidding! I enjoy working there actually, just that I don't really like having to commit 72 hours otherwise they screw up your pay! I really hate that fact :(, but who doesn't agree that Awfully Chocolate hires bubbly girls, they are actually really friendly too.
#9 When I head out, you'd find me in either Yellow, Navy, Wine, Pink or FLORAL prints.
To whomever, you could find me in the 4 colors stated most of the time, but recently I started getting off with Mint, black and white hahaha, but most of the time you'd see me in just floral prints cause my cupboard looks like a garden because of the amount of floral printed clothings I own.
#10 I'm 18 and a Valentine baby!
If you never knew, my birthday falls on 14 February, that makes me a Valentine baby!
#11 Such a girl but a Perfume and Lipstick would be necessities in my bag whenever I head out.
There ought to be necessities you carry with you everyday! Mine's a to-go perfume or lipstick! One day I'd make a post of "What's in my bag"
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#12 I have a huge passion for Little kids/babies
I could play with a kid for as long as I can as long as they are below 7! I wanted to take up early childhood studies once, but my parents didn't approve as you know, most Singapore childcare/ kindergarten don't pay well, so they didn't encourage the fact where I wanted to do early childhood studies.
#13 I am quite a big fan of Taylor Swift but Westlife, Sara.B and Jayesslee are in the list too!
To make a easier summary, songs with meaningful lyrics are the ones which captivates me or whomever that composes a good song, thumbs up for them man.
#14 I'm a television addict, I could list my favorite shows and go on forever, but if I had to pick 2 it would be 90210 and Grey's Anatomy cause it's just too good.
But honestly the list could go on and on, pretty little liars, hawai five-o, CSI, switch at birth, how I met your mother, new girl, aye the list goes on as long as I have Starworld, AXN and WarnerTv to keep me entertained!
#15 I go crazy over Vintage and Antiques
If you know me well enough, you'd actually realize that anything golden and rusted that is not from the current era would amuse me and I'd never fail to dare to splurge on them. Basically if you want to get me a gift and know that I'd appreciate, this two would definitely work, hahahaha.
#16 I was born with ASD and VSD
If you've no idea what is that, ASD - Atrial Septal Defect and VSD - Ventricular Septal Defect. In simpler terms, it just means you've a hole in your heart, but I had two, haha but it's closed up already, so I am all gooooooooood.
#17 I never used any Facial products till I was 17.
If you ask me if I use a toner and so now, i'd still say no, it's just a facial wash, I know my skin might rot afew years down if I don't take care of it now, but you see, I was born with quite a good complexion I think! Hahahaha, and somewhat I get scared of using facial products cause I used once when my face had good complexion and it started giving me alittle bit of pimples, so I don't emphasis much on facial products, but I'd soon cause sometimes make up clogs my pores, especially when my period comes and I'm under the hot sun with make up.
#18 Most of make up are from Maybelline
I could probably be their ambassador based on the amount of products I own from them, my current two favorite would be the Rock the rocket mascara and their dream matte compact powder! But yeah, eyeliner, foundation, pressed powder, blusher are all from them toooooo.
#19 I used to own a Silky Terrier named Oscar!
He was the cutest dog because he was blind and whenever I cried, he would have bite the blanket to me or gave me his soft toy or something and sat there just to accompany me, but he passed away when I was having Math class one day and I'd always remember that day.
#20 I love to Dance
It's one of those methods where people "drink to their minds off things", well dancing helps in that way, I'd end up kind of sobbing to myself in some sense but it takes things off my mind and it really helps. I started dancing ballet when I was really little and stopped at 9, but I started dancing again at the age of 16 till now! :) I do Jazz, lyrical and contemp, but i'm gonna start off with Salsa or Ballroom next!
#21 I get really tired if I don't sleep for 8 hours.
I would be really really grumpy throughout the day and easily agitated if I don't get a good 8 hours of sleep. anything lesser than that would make me feel horrifying and I would feel like as though I wouldn't be able to get anything done because of my lack of sleep, and i believe that sleep is really important ok.
#22 I have a bad addiction to Starbucks and Smoothie King It's so good I don't know how to stop man. It's like if there's no smoothie king nearby then I'd grab my starbucksssss. My to-go's usually a Vanilla Latte with Soymilk base at Starbucks and Angel's Food at Smoothie King!
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#23 I can't go to bed without a Bolster
Hahaha, okay this is a very bad habit, but I can't go to bed without curling up and hugging a bolster, not forgetting my comfy comforter, so when I go overseas I'd toss and turn but eventually I'd find something to hug cause I can't go to bed without something to hug.
#24 My morning routine starts off with a Cup of water.
I'm so used to it that I can't consume any other liquid or food other than a cup of water
#25 I like my name Winiline.
I never liked it cause people would often make fun of it, but ha so long suckers, I've a unique name and if your name is as common as Jane then you aren't special like me. (ok im kidding guys)!
I'd continue another time!
Goodnight, x!
Everyone has been doing this "20facts about me" on instagram, so I decided to do one here, but cooler, so 50! presumably that hardly know anything about me.
To start off,
#1 I have a signature pose in my photos.
I have never realized I had this signature pose till people started using this poseto imitate me, hahaha, if you don't believe, then go to my instagram to look at it man, I never realized I had such a standard pose to my photos.
Another obsession that I never realized till last year, I've two shelves of body mist and perfumes dedicated to just Victoria Secret's body mist/ perfumes/ body lotion and the list goes on. I still remember my trip to America the end of last year, I came back with 3 bags worth of items from Victoria Secrets.
#3 Japanese Cuisine or Sandwiches over any kind of food anytime!
I could eat Japanese food all day long, but I have never been to Japan, I LOVE Sushi and I can never get sick of it, it's just toooo good, if the boyfriend and I run out of places to eat, we'd head to any place that serves anything Jap, (hahahah, I'm glad he hasn't gotten sick of Jap yet!).
#4 I am a Introvert.
If you ever read any of my "emo" post the last time, I wrote something about socializing alot but I became.... a very bad introvert cause I dislike starting conversations, but I smile alot to strangers (yes I know im quite weird). So if you ever make a conversation with me, pardon me starting off with a really dead-tone, it's not that I don't wanna talk it's cause I take awhile to dare to make convesations.
#5 One of my little introvert moments to - Star-Gazing.
Introverts spend their time alone, most of the time! I used to star gaze all the time because I used to have this empty space outside my room where I'd climb out just to star gaze back when I was at my old place at Changi! Now I live next to the CTE and it's really bright to spot any stars. Oh and if you never knew, if you think there's no stars in the skies, just stare for awhile and count to 20, you'd see stars appearing infront of you if you actually focus on the sky.
#6 Sucker at money saving cause Shopping has became a daily habit especially since that my school's in town.
I love shopping but I love shopping alone, I am not the kind of girl who calls up her girlfriends to shop along with cause I feel like I'm quite a burden in shopping as I could spend 2hours and more in the same store and I get uncomfortable if the person accompanying me to shop doesn't try on clothes or nothing attracts her in the store!
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#7 I'd pick Buttermilk-Waffles w/ B&J's Cookie Dough Icecream over pancakes anytime.
I could skip my meals the entire day and still eat breakfast food, I love buttermilk waffles without a doubt man, omg with B&J's Cookie Dough Icecream on it, yummmmmz.
#8 You can find me slogging my life at Awfully Chocolate for 72 hours every month.
Yes I sold my life to Awfully Chocolate, ha im kidding! I enjoy working there actually, just that I don't really like having to commit 72 hours otherwise they screw up your pay! I really hate that fact :(, but who doesn't agree that Awfully Chocolate hires bubbly girls, they are actually really friendly too.
#9 When I head out, you'd find me in either Yellow, Navy, Wine, Pink or FLORAL prints.
To whomever, you could find me in the 4 colors stated most of the time, but recently I started getting off with Mint, black and white hahaha, but most of the time you'd see me in just floral prints cause my cupboard looks like a garden because of the amount of floral printed clothings I own.
#10 I'm 18 and a Valentine baby!
If you never knew, my birthday falls on 14 February, that makes me a Valentine baby!
#11 Such a girl but a Perfume and Lipstick would be necessities in my bag whenever I head out.
There ought to be necessities you carry with you everyday! Mine's a to-go perfume or lipstick! One day I'd make a post of "What's in my bag"
.jpg)
#12 I have a huge passion for Little kids/babies
I could play with a kid for as long as I can as long as they are below 7! I wanted to take up early childhood studies once, but my parents didn't approve as you know, most Singapore childcare/ kindergarten don't pay well, so they didn't encourage the fact where I wanted to do early childhood studies.
#13 I am quite a big fan of Taylor Swift but Westlife, Sara.B and Jayesslee are in the list too!
To make a easier summary, songs with meaningful lyrics are the ones which captivates me or whomever that composes a good song, thumbs up for them man.
#14 I'm a television addict, I could list my favorite shows and go on forever, but if I had to pick 2 it would be 90210 and Grey's Anatomy cause it's just too good.
But honestly the list could go on and on, pretty little liars, hawai five-o, CSI, switch at birth, how I met your mother, new girl, aye the list goes on as long as I have Starworld, AXN and WarnerTv to keep me entertained!
#15 I go crazy over Vintage and Antiques
If you know me well enough, you'd actually realize that anything golden and rusted that is not from the current era would amuse me and I'd never fail to dare to splurge on them. Basically if you want to get me a gift and know that I'd appreciate, this two would definitely work, hahahaha.
#16 I was born with ASD and VSD
If you've no idea what is that, ASD - Atrial Septal Defect and VSD - Ventricular Septal Defect. In simpler terms, it just means you've a hole in your heart, but I had two, haha but it's closed up already, so I am all gooooooooood.
#17 I never used any Facial products till I was 17.
If you ask me if I use a toner and so now, i'd still say no, it's just a facial wash, I know my skin might rot afew years down if I don't take care of it now, but you see, I was born with quite a good complexion I think! Hahahaha, and somewhat I get scared of using facial products cause I used once when my face had good complexion and it started giving me alittle bit of pimples, so I don't emphasis much on facial products, but I'd soon cause sometimes make up clogs my pores, especially when my period comes and I'm under the hot sun with make up.
#18 Most of make up are from Maybelline
I could probably be their ambassador based on the amount of products I own from them, my current two favorite would be the Rock the rocket mascara and their dream matte compact powder! But yeah, eyeliner, foundation, pressed powder, blusher are all from them toooooo.
#19 I used to own a Silky Terrier named Oscar!
He was the cutest dog because he was blind and whenever I cried, he would have bite the blanket to me or gave me his soft toy or something and sat there just to accompany me, but he passed away when I was having Math class one day and I'd always remember that day.
#20 I love to Dance
It's one of those methods where people "drink to their minds off things", well dancing helps in that way, I'd end up kind of sobbing to myself in some sense but it takes things off my mind and it really helps. I started dancing ballet when I was really little and stopped at 9, but I started dancing again at the age of 16 till now! :) I do Jazz, lyrical and contemp, but i'm gonna start off with Salsa or Ballroom next!
#21 I get really tired if I don't sleep for 8 hours.
I would be really really grumpy throughout the day and easily agitated if I don't get a good 8 hours of sleep. anything lesser than that would make me feel horrifying and I would feel like as though I wouldn't be able to get anything done because of my lack of sleep, and i believe that sleep is really important ok.
#22 I have a bad addiction to Starbucks and Smoothie King It's so good I don't know how to stop man. It's like if there's no smoothie king nearby then I'd grab my starbucksssss. My to-go's usually a Vanilla Latte with Soymilk base at Starbucks and Angel's Food at Smoothie King!
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#23 I can't go to bed without a Bolster
Hahaha, okay this is a very bad habit, but I can't go to bed without curling up and hugging a bolster, not forgetting my comfy comforter, so when I go overseas I'd toss and turn but eventually I'd find something to hug cause I can't go to bed without something to hug.
#24 My morning routine starts off with a Cup of water.
I'm so used to it that I can't consume any other liquid or food other than a cup of water
#25 I like my name Winiline.
I never liked it cause people would often make fun of it, but ha so long suckers, I've a unique name and if your name is as common as Jane then you aren't special like me. (ok im kidding guys)!
I'd continue another time!
Goodnight, x!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
you know that i'd carry you.
"When the vision you have gets blurry
You don't have to worry, I'll be your eyes
It's the least I can do, cause when I fell, you pulled me through
So you know that I'll carry you"
You don't have to worry, I'll be your eyes
It's the least I can do, cause when I fell, you pulled me through
So you know that I'll carry you"
because he's my favorite 5 year old,
because he's my bestest friend,
because he's my boyfriend,
because he's mine.
It's going to be a good six months that I have gotten to know this annoying fella, well pretty much it was a crazy messy story, but I'd always say, if you hear my story I'd definitely make sure you go "awwwwww" he's so amazing and I don't know how he does it.
I could be world's annoying little girl, spoiled and pampered, but he doesn't spoil me at all, and mind you, this guy, has a temper of a 5 year old, he throws tantrum all the time, no kidding. hahahah (i love you still), and it's so amazing to see how he tolerates with me, all my crazy everyday pms moments, yes this 6 months was no joke, alittle like hell for the both of us, but you know..... the past 2months since we got back together has been really great.
Today marks a new adventure, I don't know if it would be a crazy adventure, but I know it's an adventuring I'm definitely looking for, for someone whom's lifestyle's so different from mine but's capable of loving me this much - I go beyond words for this.
to my little 5 year old,
i'm really blessed, probably spoilt and really kiddy most of the time, but I am thankful to have you around me, hahaha I would never forget the day where I told you "I don't wanna be the girl that you just hold hands and get the I am your girlfriend title, you must ask one okay" and you went like "what the heck, ask?!" but you see, you still asked, hahaha and even though yeah we act like we are together most of the time, but only we both knew the truth where there was no title and basically an unknown boundary between us still, thank you, for respecting little decisions or stupid decisions like that of mine. heeeeeheeeee. I love you baby, i really do :)
goodnight, I had a great day x
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
runs through the veins of my mind.
Pretty much all the time I would feel like a failure or someone bond to fail every single one/thing. It's scary to realize how my life seems to be revolving like day-by-day and clearly I'm not used to it. Every single day I'd think of what if I do this and this person gets upset; what if I fail my papers; what if I start hanging out with this person; what if I invest in something worth nothing. Doesn't it feel like the scariest thing ever. Somehow, I find myself back at the same spot everytime something drastic happens. I end up running back to my perplexed feeling of home but I know there's no home but hell in me. Today I asked myself, what if I was just... equally messed up as how I was before, what if the thought of the past comes back to haunt me all over again, what if I became nothing but vicious and plain deceiving to others, because I really really hate the thought of it. Come to think of it now, I feel as though I am losing it again. I'm not used to it, really.
I don't want to be messed up any longer, I dislike being such a hectic mess all the time. I don't like the feeling of not being good enough, I fear to fail you just because I won't be good enough. The thought where I'm just plain self absorbed and keep things to myself scares me. Was this who I have always been or was it just because of one small incident to everyone but seemed so big to me that made me like this. because trust seemed to be the easiest until you ruined it. Probably I'm crazy, well crazy's a usual term on myself, or maybe treating myself like this was the usual thing.
I don't want to live a sad life. I'm pretty much contented, but contented with what? Just because everyone assumes I get everything and probably anything means it's I live that perfect life? I wish.
-
Monday, August 12, 2013
Moments.
just because it never felt right
It's gonna be one-heck of a week, I've been working for hillsong so thumbs up for me, and recently, I got caught in a really sticky situation, and for the first time I consulted my parents about it, for the first time after 18 years, I consulted my parents about it - just because I felt lonely and scared, feeling like I could not do anything about it but to agree into it's terms. I never knew what my parents were capable of doing to help me out of any situations I fell into, I never knew they could be capable enough to help me out, just because they have never ever done so for me. Well, practically speaking I realized that your parents are the only ones that are able to help you out in the toughest and hardest times, the ones that you can count your back on without doubting it.
I love them. Despite the way they have brought me up, despite the way that they have hurt me. It's amazing to see how they can love you when you clearly have the biggest fault. They are amazing. It's as good as saying they saved my life from a lawsuit, I mean, if they never loved me, they wouldn't go to that measure to agree to helping me out.
-
Ok, it's gonna be a hardcore week ahead especially since I've exams next week, #letsgoline!
Monday, August 5, 2013
yay for favorite shows.
Have you had that favourite show where you have the favourite couple in it?
I think Liam court and Annie willson are the cutest couple ever. I just watched the season finale of it and they ended the show by getting engaged.
Ha, if you ever ask me why I presume they are the cutest couple ever, I guess it's because they present themselves as such inspirational people. The sweetest line he could have ever told her was "I'm the guy that has always hurt her, even if we love each other, i would end up hurting her all over again" sweetest thing ever.
I can't even, I can't even describe how cute they are together, from high school to college, or even just fooling around with each other but never ever together because there would always be someone really bitchy blocking or lying to get towards Liam. SIGH RIGHT, ok I felt extremely frustrated when I watched the show cause I've always wanted them to get together.
Actually, they are probably the cutest couple that I've seen, but it's all virtually, like this would never happen in reality sort of thing, but still it's like how people say Chuck and Blair are really cute but I have never watched an episode of gossip girl so I have no idea about that. I used to be such a television glue, but ever since school started, television seemed to be the last thing on my list to catch. Again, I can't stand how Liam loves her so much, to fast forward to the end of the story or rather, the current season that I caught, there was this girl inbetween them, and they were supposed to move to Australia together, therefore Annie thought she should have treated herself alittle better and she had to move on, so she was supposed to leave for Paris, but when Liam was about to go to the airport, the girl that was with him asked to read the last chapter on the book she wrote.
Tell me, how can you not think that they are cute, I mean really, just look at the photos and I can go all crazy about it. what am I doing man, I have class tomorrow and it's 0324 and I am talking about 90210. Yes, but still 90210, tooooo goooood. Probably because I spent my entire day typing about a long assignment that has yet to be completed, so this is my break.
Oh and yes, after he read the book, he realized that she didn't know what type of guy he was, and she has always wanted him, but he never knew it either, so she got on the plane and when it was about to departure, he rushed towards the plane and raced along with it, just in time before she flew, he managed to stop the plane, and when she got down, HE PROPOSED. and yeah, Naomi told their entire gang about the engagement, and now the show ended, it ended. I mean ended, sigh sigh, I'm gonna buy a disc and marathon over it man.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Rant.
I've no idea how to put words into my mind into a much nicer way, cause there's no other way to phrase it than to be blunt about it.
GIRLS.
omg, what's up with the current generation of people, I mean probably that includes people MY age too. It's like, who are you guys striving to be the "oh-so-popualr" or trying to attain fame from all over. Some things aren't supposed to be you, I mean, why can't you just be yourself? Why die for 200 likes or to look hipster and in trend? In the most pathetic term I'd phrase it, it's like attention seeking. I'd probably never forget the day how someone was expecting me to say "eh you lost weight".
Well yeah, certain people are famous, certain people are pretty, certain people are skinny, and let's welcome reality where the term of certain people category does not fall in place for you, you're not skinny nor pretty, famous nor trendy. I mean, it doesn't mean that since some girls got popular through a certain line they tweeted or how they act in public, or even got popular overnight through blogging a really good post. YOU'RE NOT THAT FUCKING PERSON.
Ok this is getting me really pissed whenever I think of that certain someone, and here goes -
Truth be told, I thought you were someone that was stealing my identity, suddenly from the girl who was never weight deprived or never loved shopping to someone whom suddenly had the same diet plan, same clothing style, same hobby - kinda what the fuck you know especially liking the same things as you. Okay I've kinda forgotten all about those stealing identity stuff, but honestly, now you're turning to a mainstream stuck up bitch? Why oh why.
To the other mainstream girls out there:
Why the fuck do you wanna be famous, why do you want to attain fame through overnight or so by doing stupid things. Seriously, why act so main stream nowadays, I mean, when I was 13 I couldn't even be bothered to live a night life. LIKE SERIOUSLY.
GIRLS.
omg, what's up with the current generation of people, I mean probably that includes people MY age too. It's like, who are you guys striving to be the "oh-so-popualr" or trying to attain fame from all over. Some things aren't supposed to be you, I mean, why can't you just be yourself? Why die for 200 likes or to look hipster and in trend? In the most pathetic term I'd phrase it, it's like attention seeking. I'd probably never forget the day how someone was expecting me to say "eh you lost weight".
Well yeah, certain people are famous, certain people are pretty, certain people are skinny, and let's welcome reality where the term of certain people category does not fall in place for you, you're not skinny nor pretty, famous nor trendy. I mean, it doesn't mean that since some girls got popular through a certain line they tweeted or how they act in public, or even got popular overnight through blogging a really good post. YOU'RE NOT THAT FUCKING PERSON.
Ok this is getting me really pissed whenever I think of that certain someone, and here goes -
Truth be told, I thought you were someone that was stealing my identity, suddenly from the girl who was never weight deprived or never loved shopping to someone whom suddenly had the same diet plan, same clothing style, same hobby - kinda what the fuck you know especially liking the same things as you. Okay I've kinda forgotten all about those stealing identity stuff, but honestly, now you're turning to a mainstream stuck up bitch? Why oh why.
To the other mainstream girls out there:
Why the fuck do you wanna be famous, why do you want to attain fame through overnight or so by doing stupid things. Seriously, why act so main stream nowadays, I mean, when I was 13 I couldn't even be bothered to live a night life. LIKE SERIOUSLY.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
O-hana.
I wonder why my mind wanders so much within,
It floats from one end to the other.
Thinking about the incapability of the human kind,
but worrying is the only thing I know how to do right now.
Then maybe the "ifs" that ran through my mind were gone,
I wonder what would happen to me next.
I've always told others, "be glad that your parents actually have family dinner and so with you, be glad that they show you they love you by giving you hugs and kisses, be glad that they're always there for you. Well, mine gives me money with no time" - and I've always gotten the same reaction, "woah, if I can i'd prefer money". Trust me, I've always wanted my parents time, it's like the best thing I could have asked from them, you wanna know the deepest secret I could possibly reveal, I've never i mean, never once stepped into town for quality time with my family, well except my dad's birthday for some dinner - so that's like once a year? Haha.
If you never knew, my parents are like.... one of the strictest asses in the world. I've never met any parent worst than mine, okay maybe I'd speak about my Dad, I've never met anyone like him - really, somehow when I grew up, I felt like he was the worst dad I could have ever had, I felt like all he has given to me was money, when I became rebellious even for alittle, he'd have taken everything away from me and told me "this is my house, I do what I want with it". It made me feel like I had nothing, for my 18 years living here, I felt - I felt like nothing was mine - so if anyone ever asked why I worked when I could have everything I wanted, it was because I felt like I couldn't have anything I wanted cause even the little savings I had from the allowance he gave, it was still his. Trust me, I hated that, I hated every bit of it.
You know what's the worst part, hahaha I'm 18 and the freedom I get is as good as a 16 year old - and mind you, I don't have a curfew, I just get really screwed if I don't report my whereabouts - My parents once told me they'd hire a PI just to keep a look out on me on who I was meeting. Who wouldn't have hated their parents if they did that, simply by reading between the lines it was as good as saying "I don't trust you, I don't trust what you're doing and I don't trust anyone you hang out with". Aw, i hated that, but I love my parents. So I was alittle caught in the middle. Oh, here's another good part, they never, or don't allow me to get a boyfriend but I'm able to date whoever they introduce me to. thumbs up for them.
As time went by, I grew to dislike what they did, dislike every bit of what they have made me go through. I hated it, I wanted to be a rebel, but it wasn't in me, It wasn't in me to defy their every yes and no(s). I couldn't defy, I was never brought up to defy, as much as they pictured me as the perfect girl, I was never the perfect girl and I hated it. - the fact that they pictured me to be all perfect made it even worst, cause I was supposed to be someone I wasn't.
Up till today, my parents are still as money-minded people as ever, but one thing I realized was because that was the way they function, they believe that without money you're nothing - to a certain extend it's true you're nothing without money - they believe that money is a high reason why relationships dysfunction all the time, but one thing I realized was they do love me, they're over protective people cause they're both broken people and they don't want their only daughter to go through the same path they went through, // she doesn't want me to date someone like him cause // he doesn't want me me to take her path down. Overprotective, but they do love me. I might take forever to forgive what they've down to make me feel so unloved feel like I was never enough for them because I was never that perfect daughter that they wanted, yes I did rebel, I found all ways to be someone they never wanted me to become. They aren't the greatest parents, but they're my parents and they've sheltered me for 18years, 18 years taking my nonsense that some people couldn't even have taken for 2 months. As much as they've failed me, as much as they haven't been the greatest, as much as I've compared them to others, I've them, and they're the ones that would have my back forever.
-
right now, I'm paranoid, paranoid over what may happened, I function like this, right now I know if all the 'ifs' were gone, I would not know what to do, I know i'd be the biggest dysfunctional person there is to live, but i"d be fine, this paranoia would go away, and I'd be fine.
yes it sucks but i'd be fine.
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