It feels like it's all crashing down again, it feels like it's going so softly this time round; but the fall wouldn't be gentle, the fall would hurt and I would crash with flames.
it doesn't make it okay when you leave me hanging, when you do something that fills me up with hope and take my down within a snap. Neither does it make it okay that I've to crumple my heart and cry because of something that was done to hurt others yet I've to stay silent.
have you ever felt like your mind was corrupted with everything unhappy, your stomach crushes alittle over the dinner table because you know what conversations you would have. Every single time. You try to fix things but you know you can't, you know you're "too young" to interfere or you don't have a voice to make a say.
I think that's not the worst. Worst comes from your heart starting to wrinkle. Worst comes when I start to ask myself, why do I love you so much/ worst comes when you feel like you're nothing but a hopeless lover.
Worst is when I started going through an emotional pit but I had to realize no one was going to be there and you had to suck it all up. It's when all I wanted was you to listen and tell me it was going to be okay, not all your solutions or finding where the fault came from. I didn't ask for you to fix me, I wanted you to be there.
Worst began with me asking myself if you loved me more than i love you.
I need to breath. I need to tell myself I would be okay. I was never like that. Well maybe, a messed up wreck.
But tell me the truth, really.
What is family when everyone's hiding secrets and telling lies built around the home.
I was once told, your family is what matters, is the idol to your future family, your parents love towards each other is the one that you'd learn to love your other.
Maybe happiness was my glimpse of hope, but everything's turning so shady. Everything.
