Free Falling

Have you ever fell in love and didn't realize how fast you were falling?
The one that makes your heart skip a beat whenever he catches you glimpsing at him? 

I'm in love and I can't deny how important this is to me.

He wipes my tears dry, chases away my fears, come by in the middle of the night just to make sure I'm fine.
And I would do the same for you, B.

Bad days don't last, but I do. I will do whatever it takes just to be next to you, even if it's missing my favorite event or something I have been looking forward to, I would do whatever it takes just to have you by my side because I wouldn't let you go through nightmares alone.

If you don't want to talk, I would stay next to you silent.
If you don't want to want to see me, I would wait outside.
If you want to scream, I would lose my voice with you.
If you aren't okay, I would give you my hugs to make sure you know I am going to be here with you.

Here's a fact, what's in your mind bothers me. It bothers me because I don't like seeing you like that. It breaks my heart knowing you aren't happy, and I wouldn't ask why if you don't want to say it, but please don't think that me being silent means I'm unhappy that you don't want to talk, I'm silent because I'm figuring how to make you feel better.

I have my bad days, and you are always there. You would drive to my place just to make sure I was fine, you knew crying would have made me feel better but you know how much I hate crying so you end up making me talk till I cry. And it isn't going to be just a one way thing because I want to be next to you, listen to you and just be by you.

Like what I always say. It isn't "I" or "You", but it's "Us". Like Us against the word, together.

I run out of words because I'm the worst person when it comes to comforting, but I get worried and I don't show it either, I'm bad at expressing emotions. All the more when I'm having my whirlpool of emotions while the lining of my walls shred (literally). But I'm trying, trying to not be so bothered about the emotions cause you're what matters.

You know me best, but you still love me.
All that flaws, and you're still here. 

You have no idea, no idea how much you mean to me, no idea at all.
From our first "coffee date" that ended up as lunch. From the night we had a midnight picnic. From the day you held my hand and I kissed it.
B, you're so special to me, you make my stomach filled with butterflies whenever I'm with you. Especially when we go out on dates, all dolled up and when I see that smile on your face. Ever since the day I met you, everything's no longer the same, ever since you became mine. I could fall in love with you all over, everyday. Some can say "Come on, once LDR begins, it wouldn't work", but we have 5months left and distance wouldn't kill our love. Why should I count the days left with you when I can count the days I have with you. I'm really thankful, thankful that I have you around all the time, I wonder what would have happened if I canceled that coffee date we were supposed to have, and thankfully, I didn't. I've no idea what the future would throw at us, but I know we would make through it.  

B, I love you, more than you know it, to the stars, and back. 

To the stars and back,

But the difference would be that from how I see it, you're brighter than any star. 

The week has been amazing. Seeing you for 10 days straight, even after my intern started, you've been more than amazing B.

I don't know if I made your week a highlight in your life, but you turned 21 and I wanted every bit to be special. Maybe I didn't plan out the best birthday any guy could have, but whenever I catch that smile on your face, it brightens up mine. Special. That's the word I would describe my week as. Mainly because you're the best thing that's happening to me now.

You seen me at my worst, you held my when I was about to break, you knew what to do when I ran out of words but tears.

"How else would I be able to tell you I love you?" - Words aren't enough to show you, but you and I know where this spark's bringing us too.

Midnight Grocery Shopping, Dancing among the stars, The most romantic dinner, Meeting your family, Adventure Cove, Pentatonix Concert, Falling asleep next to you till dawn, Meeting my family. - woah, we conquered quite alot in one week eh.
And we are both gonna head back to the usually regime of our lives, but we are gonna be okay. Like you said, take it as a test to LDR. Ha, so I know we would definitely make do with it.

-
I am flawless, yet you love me.
I don't have the best temper, I act like a bitch when someone pisses me off, I act like a princess when I think I am right even though I ain't right. - you still love me among all of my flaws, you still love me despite all that I do. I don't have the biggest heart nor the prettiest face, but you still want me. Tell me, what more do I need when I have you. I can't tell you how much I do love you because I my rumbling words goes speechless. I may disappoint you but that's the last thing I would ever want to do. I can't promise the best out of this relationship, but I promise to love you as much as I can, to be here for you and to perk you up when you're down.

Yea, I do feel like I don't deserve your love most of the time, I feel like I'm filled with dirt all over and you're out of my league, like - how on earth did I find a guy like you. The kind of guy that makes me feel like magic when I'm with him.
He's the kind of guy acts silly with me, dances around like a fool even though everyone's watching. He doesn't care about how others will think, because it's just the both of us. The way he looks at me, the way he makes me feel loved.
Literally, when I met him I was all broken, I felt like I wasn't worthy of anything, I thought i'd have never found someone that I deserve. I would have easily shut B out of my life, we could have never met if I canceled my date with him, we could have never talked if I never fell sick, and we could have never started a conversation if I didn't need my coffee fix.

I tend to think about the date we met. The day where "So want to have that coffee fix of yours with me sometime soon?"// "are you asking for my number?". Imagine if you never came up to me, cause I can't. Maybe I would still be lying in agony, telling myself how bad a person I was. Torn self-esteem and broken wounds.

Maybe you would never understand how important you are to me, maybe I would never show it. I get shaky when I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper for you, but I'm trusting you to catch me from my fall. To hold me tight like how you held me at my worst. I know sometimes my insecurities gets us both alittle upset, but I'm gonna try to stop all that nonsense cause it's no longer a "I" because it's "Us", just like "Us against the world". And as long as I've you around, my days gets constantly perked.

Love you, B.

LDR.

Well, it's no kidding that we would have to face it sooner or later, like come on, you didn't graduate from Singapore and that's a fact, it's bound of you to fly away, away from me that is.
I hate it when you go all realistic on me, I hate it when you tell me "Well, that depends if we would even be here" - I know I ain't realistic, but don't tell me that; I know that despite us saying that all the time, we cling or at least I cling on to the saying that "long distance doesn't kill love, doesn't kill us".
Yes, I get pretty upset whenever you mention the fact about university, and honestly it's the last thing I want to think of right now. I feel like I can't get into anywhere, i feel like uni would be the last thing on my mind, but, yea it's what we need for the future anyway, so doesn't matter. Probably it's up in my head where I'm like, "sweetheart, I don't get to celebrate Christmas, New Year, CNY, Valentine's..... and even my 20th with you". No don't get me wrong, I do want you to go, I've all my hopes up for you, it's just the fact that you'd be going off. First the states and a week or two back and you're gone for NZ.

Now, get my drift on why I'm slowly getting upset?

It's funny how one can make you feel so special, so wanted. Yeah, you'd tell me I've dated and I've been with a handful of guys in my life, how isit actually possible that "I get this feeling only with you". Butterflies in my stomach kind of feeling  -  Trust me, I ain't lying when I tell you that. The best kind of boyfriend a girl could have would be one that goes all out on being silly with you and respects you the way you're supposed to be treated.
If someone came up to me and asked me, how on earth did I fall for you - truth would be I've no idea how, but it all happened you know, and why still fall when I knew you were going to leave SG one way or another. I don't know, but here's it - I know I'm willing to go through hell with you or whatever shit LDR may cause. I'm thankful for you, and I don't know how else to put it, cause you're just - amazing. I remember how everything started so vividly, I remember how you brought me to out for supper just because I said I was hungry the first time we met, the time where I tried throwing grapes and nuts into your mouth sitting underneath the sky full of stars (not really full, but ya you get it), the time where we officially had a date, the time where you drove out just to meet me in the middle of the night just because I got had a bad day, daylight even, and the day where you fetched me despite me not knowing where I was and letting me cry for over an hour just because I was not okay and you knew it.
That kind of small gestures, the ones even where you had camp the next day yet stayed out with me till 4 in the morning. Those are the ones I really appreciate, and those are the ones that made me know what sincerity was when you try to get someone to fall for you.

well, here's it, i'm blessed to have found you even through the way I never thought possible of.