wxiline

It's like a mix feeling of everything
maybe I'm just filled with a lump of confusion over my head
When you finally realise you don't know who to trust, and who to talk to.
When you finally realise you have lost everyone
And you've nothing left.


So many contradictions, so many judgement. Tell me. Have you ever judged me because of what I am or who I am. Because I have a family that's so broke or because I'm the 'princess' of the family that get what I want. Tell me, have you judged me? I feel like, I should finally stop thinking about everyone else because all I hear is lies and more lies. I feel like I been so tangible and everyone around me was merely spinning and playing with what was in my head. Doesn't it feel utterly horrible when you finally realised that you been played.


For once,  I feel really sad. So sad to the point that I don't really know what to do. I don't know who I can talk to and who I should turn to. I feel like everyone I have once trusted, all played me out. This time, I am trying to figure if you should even hold afew close ones when the closest one has turned their back on you. Well, they never turned away, they simply twisted their words, kinda smart I reckon.


I feel like I lost everything important to me. I am just.. feeling so much.
I realised how much I've bottled up for so long just to prevent judgement from one person to another, and I realised I can't do this any longer. I realised all I do is turn to my bed and cry, and you get up and tell yourself 'you will make it' and you turn happy, and the cycle repeats.


It just hurts, it hurts a lot. To know what your friends are treating you as and how people turn to you. It hurts, really. it hurts to know that you don't even know if the ones closest to you actually love you.


Honestly, I don't know if you love me anymore, I don't know what exactly 'love' should represent. I don't know how one should love another person. I thought love was acceptance, trust and no judgement, but I guess I was wrong. And I guess that's not how everyone loves.