persecution from forgiveness -

"When everything was disappearing from your hands, who did you blame for all of it to be gone?"

It's sad how attaining forgiveness feels so hard, it's sad how people hurt others just for revenge. 

I die alittle everyday thinking about fogiveness cause it's something I can't do, trying to forgive people around me and telling myself they don't, don't deserve it at all. If you're going to tell me, but you're in no position to hold on the unforgiveness, but if i ask you: 

"If someone killed your little sister, made her insane and jittery all the time, would you forgive the person who traumatized her?" - maybe in my position it isn't the little sister, it was more of the inner person in me. How could someone possibly play with your heart just because he felt like it? To me it doesn't make any sense, for someone you trusted, someone you thought had changed, someone whom's going all finding a new girl, I feel sad for you thou.

- 

I wish I could forgive you, get all this feelings out my heart. To make myself able to see you and not the hate I have towards you. It makes me wonder how do you feel whenever you bump into me or so. I hope you're doing fine, that's for sure, but I also hope that everything you do would be destroyed, fallen and disappear off your hands, yeah that is how much I hate you. Hate's such a strong word isn't it, but what's there to do when you want to forgive but the hate in you destroys every bit of hope there is for you to forgive that little soul that destroyed you. 

Well i don't know, don't know what's there left to say. 

In my point of view, people like you should just burn. It makes me feel so disgusted whenever I see you, it makes me feel so heavy for hating onto someone, but sincerely, I can't do it, I can't love someone whom I hate so much. I despise you, you and your every action or even need. 

Till then,

I wish you all the best in your wrong doings.

Goodbye

xxx

It's going to be quite a hectic month, but I am kinda enjoying every bit of it. Feels like days since I last saw the favorite one, but it's my last month slogging the 72 hours that clashes with schedules of his. Thank God for my new job, so yay line :). It's been so crazy i dont know how I am actually surviving. but still, yay? 

Five and Dime date with my dearest Mel and Zanny.

Who doesnt love a red velvet cake that looks heavenly sumptuous, but it wasn't that great I guess. 

Jean and Deluca has one of the best cakes, but it caused me to gain a sore throat subsequently.

This was, my 2weeks old craving satisfied.

What do you call the inbetween of dinner and lunch, Idk. But Wimbly has the best waffles yet. 

Mandatory selfie during mummy's runway show.

New found love for Macaroons, thanks to the boy whom have been constantly surprising me with it.

Fat boy's has made me say "This has been by far the best burger I have eaten in SG"

Met my new found favorite AC partner, but I have said my goodbye to the slog of 72 hours job. :(

And I didn't get to drink the chocolate milk before I left, SIGH LOR.

First attempt on Banana chocolate chip muffin and the chips didn't sink, yay! 

Katong Laksa with the favorite boy on Errands day!

If you have yet to meet my grandpa, here's my all time favorite Ye-ye!






Im really tired,
it's my exam week.
And im working.
Idk what im doing
hahaha
Idk why am I typing so oddly today either.
Impromtu post, so goodbye!

full-house.

Have you ever felt like you were going speechless. 
Talked about something where you felt really stupid because you can't seem to put your fingers around
Or even thought about your current situation against the future. 

They are the ones which scares me most.

My mind tends to fight against all odds when I'm alone, I ponder and realize that I'm standing still in every situation and I tend to allow my mind to wander in. It's been awhile since I felt the need to put myself in a situation where I couldn't fight against. In the most complex situation I end myself up in, I tend to tell myself "it's okay" or "i don't know"; but it's words to cover up the surface of your mind. it's okay doesn't seem to be the most confronting to use.

It's like putting yourself into this box of all your little fears, but all you are capable of doing would be closing your eyes, and allow those fears to take your mind away from sanity. Well, I've always had a fear of cargo lifts, and I had to take one alone today, so........ I kind of got alittle shaky out of it though it was just 2 levels down. Pathetic, I know.

What shakes me even more would be how scary it is when I think about the future against my current state. Asking yourself what you expect out of the future, and knowing nothing you have right now is part of what you expect, it's quite a horrifying scare.
Maybe it's because I set my expectations too high, or maybe it's because I place myself into that situation where I think I've to meet certain expectations, hence I set one I expect out of myself even higher, but what for expect so much out of yourself, you get nothing back - nothing.

>: i'm having a bad day cause I heard something stupid. And I thought to myself, maybe cause I can't understand the situation the person is in. It makes me so mad when I can't put my finger around something, it makes me feel really uncomfortable when I can't lay my finger down. But guys, if you say something really dumb or something that makes you sound stupid, I rather you not say it. I feel utterly speechless for things I hear when and being unable to respond would be another stupid factor. Well there goes.

Goodnight x

blessing in disguise

I am not the best kind of person there is to mix with,
neither am I the perfect kind of girl.
Somewhat, I'm not even the girl close to perfect. 
But like every other girl, I strive for perfection in some form.

Maybe 18's the age they all claim you're still young to make decisions for yourself, or maybe in every parents eye you're still the little girl.

I've always wanted to be different. I was born with an elder brother and two younger brother, hence the only girl. I've been protected and sheltered by my parents for 18 years, probably because of that, they kind of protected me from all the "bad people" there is in the world. I do dislike them at times, I do get frustrated with them, but deep down, I do love them. 18 years having such amazing parents, what's there not to love. Well, if you met my family, it wouldn't seem like the perfect family, infact, we are broken, we have individual issues with each other at times, but broken pieces are the ones that got us together. I've yelled, screamed, cried and disobeyed them, but isn't that what growing up does to you? Still, they love me despite me being such a mess. 18 years, and it feels like I'm finally growing up. If you have ever gone for a dinner date with me or started hanging out late with me, you'd know that my parents would be one of the most over-protective people there is in the world. I used to hate them, hate them so much for being such an ass, I thought age came with freedom, but it was maturity that came with freedom. Rebelling to everything, wanting to try to gain my "nightlife" freedom because I was legal to. I remember how I used to fight with her the moment I turned legal, trying to tell her about the law, but it makes me feel like a let down because, I finally realized what the term of love is from them. Protecting me for 18 years, and suddenly I'm stepping out and immediately wanting to try something I've known nothing about and something they know so much of, it made me realized that, how do you stop protecting someone so quickly when you protected her since her first breath, for 18 years. 

Everyone has done something in their lives that would make someone else disappointed in their decisions. I've had a fair share of that. Because I hated how my parents were over-protective over my life, I lied to prevent nags and scoldings when I wanted to do something I knew they would forbid. Somehow, every single time my parents find out about something I've hidden from them, it makes me realize so much more about  what they expect out of me. I love them, I honestly do. I would do anything in the world, just to please them, even if it's the hardest thing to do. They made me realize how afraid they are to see me grow each year, because it's going to be another year lesser to watch over me.

I'm the girl who loves shopping, wants to date a guy, get pampered, it food all day, get adventurous, gain experience of life and have my parents to watch my back still. Like what Francis always say, I'd never become a rebel in life because it just isn't me, but maybe just for the experience.

I'm thankful, for having such great parents despite the over-protective part. Blessed enough to have them despite the restrictions that they give.

I don't know if you would every see this,
but I love you mummy & daddy.

xoxo.