mixed

It's such a cold night, well, i mean literally. 

but one thing more would be the cold running through my skin.

I am trying, trying so hard to break your walls down.

Maybe it's just walls against me, but I am trying. 

I don't hate you, neither do I despise it whatever you did.

Everyone runs around with their own flaws.

I do too.

everything happened, you and i can't deny.

but it's been more than a year// it's been close to a year.

I miss you, that feeling of comfort. 

The one that I could do all sort of stupid things with

the one that could break my walls yet build them up within a second

I remember how the term bestfriend was such a cliche term to be used on us.

well, i missed you, and I took the effort to try, I took those walls down to try to talk to you

but guess you're the one with walls built beyond anyone could break.

//

i hate it when someone shouts at me, it's like whenever i try to do something right

i get all the whole shouted at thing

//

i hate it when you give tell someone what you're gonna do 

and they do it too

oh it's not the 'you copy me' shit

but it's the you fucking stole the idea for my god damned assignment

//

i hate it when people don't remember things you tell them

it's like, you remind them 10 times and you know that they get irritated by it

so you stop for the 11 time

and they don't do it

//

i hate it when someone could lie to you

and look straight into your eyes with that fucking lie

and when you ask them about it again

they lie

all they do is lie

when they expect the truth out of you

//

the fact that people go unappreciative 

when you try to do something to make their day

they go all unappreciative 

and screw yours

--------

it's like no one fucking listens to me

no fucking one 

if you fucking ask me why am i raging 

it's cause no one wants to listen to my crap

cause it's all bullshit somehow

whatever man.

so many things to feel today

fucking day, fucking soul.

like i said, we arent talking
so where the fuck are we heading to


hi 2014, you seemed so messed up on your first day
looks like you made one heck of a first impression.

for the last time.

I cry quite alot.

maybe more than alot, 

I'm rather emotional

but 2013 changed me - it made me somewhat a better person, somewhat someone whom became.. different.

I'd have always said being like the norm isn't what I aim to achieve, I  wanna be different yet I wanna blend through the colors of everyone. What this year did to me, I cannot comprehend, I cannot look back and ask myself whether it was good or bad. 

Well, there was a difference, indeed there was - cause I remember how fragile I once was when the year began, I remember how I always told myself "It's all gonna suck, i hate everyone, everybody and I wish everyone would die". I used to be really negative about everything, therefore no new year resolution was created, no friends were made, but everything in my head was purely insanity. 

I started my 2013, with agony, frustration, unhappy and negatively - just because realization struck me. I think the earlier part of the year was filled with curses, and unforgiveness - and maybe 2014 is the year I'd want to change that. 

forgiveness - it's probably the last thing anyone could have attained from me. 

Well, I don't know how 2014 would be like, but I think it's gonna be a year of forgiveness, from those grudges I've held onto since years ago, I think I am finally prepared to face those haunted nights, I know 2014 would be a tough year, but tough years makes tough people, and it's gonna be something I'd do. I know I lost a couple, or rather, alot of people in 2013, I realized how lazy I was to meet friends, or to continue catching up with others because I saw no meaning to it, so it's a year where I'm going to try, at least try, to have everything in placed again. 

it's not going to be a easy year, but tough times don't last, only tough people. I trust 2014, I trust the ones I've now, and I trust myself to walk on thorns. 

happy 2014!