Am I being a burden or an annoyance to you?
"maybe it's time you move out"
Well - I've always thought of that as a joke, but when he mentioned it last night, it didn't feel so much like a joke. It wasn't the first time he said it at such a mood anyway, so was I being a bug?
Since day 1 when I arrived, I told myself I wouldn't let him sleep on the couch under my watch because it was... Bad for the back I'd claim. So, whenever he was falling asleep I'd drag him to the bed. The first few months was annoying, very annoying. I didn't know if he had things to do or not, cause he would have told me "no i am not gonna sleep" or "I've things to do", but when I tried to get him out of bed at 2300, he would turn all grumpy, and I got used to that. I just didn't know what to do, like should I have let him sleep the night through and switch off the living room lights, but what if he gets upset at me the next morning because I didn't get him up? Trust me, when he tells me "10 more minutes" it's never 10 minutes.
This went on, and on and on, so from trying to get him up to bath, to deciding to just change his clothes to sleep comfortably. But now, on certain nights where he told me he didn't want to go to bed yet when I knew he was awfully tired, I would just drag him to bed without hesitation, and this is where I thought the annoying side of me came across to him.
As in, I wanna sleep too. As much as I tell him that and he tells me "just sleep la", I can't. I need to be sure he's in bed, comfortably. I can't go to bed knowing my boyfriend isn't next to me or isn't sleeping comfortably. I do this because I don't want him to wake up the next morning feeling regretful over something he didn't do the night before.
I tend to imagine all the time - what if he has to do this or that, so maybe I should get him up. But the thing is. He doesn't want to wake up, and when he's tired, he gives me a bunch of bullshit and infact scolds me without knowing exactly what he's talking about. Because the next morning I would actually tell him "you were really rude last night for saying ....." And he wouldn't know that he said such a thing. This would be able to go on and on, and I would get used to it. Because all I wanna do is off the damn lights in the living room, but I don't know if I should.
I can't help to wonder if he has something on or not but he gets all grouchy when I ask him or gives me the crap where he needs 5 minutes more when that 5 minutes never ever comes. I don't know if he is really pissed at me or he is just sleep talking. I don't know.
So tonight, he said maybe it's time you move out, and I thought I was passing the line. Because all he wanted was to shower, but it was already midnight and he's eyelids could not even be lifted up, I couldn't have let him sleep on the sofa cause I wanted to go into the bedroom already and when he reached the bed, I kept bugging him to sleep properly because he was sleep sideways and dozing off while scrolling through facebook, but still he claimed he wanted to have a shower, but after 30 minutes he was half dozing off on the bed, and was awfully stubborn because he was so insistent on showering when I knew he was too tired to do it.
Well I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but telling me maybe it's time I moved out when all I did was trying to get him to have a better sleep, was i or have I been such a horrible girlfriend that he doesn't want me around? Simply maybe too annoying for him.
Yea, he loves me but this is where compromising gets hard, I want him to sleep comfortably but he procrastinates doing what he needs to do and falls asleep either way.
And it made me wonder, did he really meant it when he said "I think it's time you moved out".
