blow.

I AM TIRED.

I've a pile of assignments and i'm going crazy, definitely exhausted with the amount of work that's due soon, yes, i am going crazy. I am.

Supposedly, I was supposed to burn the night oil, to stay awake, but I can't. I can't do this "overload amount of work". I never liked piling projects, but it's all going too fast, this year's going too fast, classes are soon to be over. My 50 day of lessons are coming to an end. I don't know what to expect, one of my friend told me "come on, who are you kidding, we are all in private school, friends here are like those transiting in lives, we will not stay together after we graduated, trust me, we won't". I'm not the sort of girl who likes friendships to disappear after a long journey. Probably CFS isn't a long one it's just gonna be 50days, but what else can I do. Time's in no man's hands.

Aside from school work, I've so many things on my mind, and I don't know what I'm gonna do, it's sooooo irritating, like you try to clear your mind from the "mind blocks and blanks". I'm probably not in the mood for a post, but the picture above actually describes it all.

I've learnt so much in the past month, thank you all who taught me all sort of craps in life. I realized how much I miss being in a girls school, where everything was bitchy and just way easier, but I realized I was too munch in my own comfort, where I loved only the presence of girls and all things girly where everything was "can can can", but yet now you've to draw boundaries and for a start, I don't know what boundaries are anymore. sigh.

I'm having the worst 2013 week, could anyone make me feel much more motivated.




Today, you should know that I miss you most when I'm having bad days, I miss you so much. I miss the "Let's elope together to end of your bad day". I miss you so much, sometimes I wonder if you actually changed your number, cause i'm waiting, still waiting for your return. It was much easier when you were around, where everything was just filled with roses. I miss you, so much that it kills.

when flowers wither.

Pretty flowers wither, roses wither, ugly flowers wither.
When flowers wither, they turn old, ugly and cold. 

Can't believe I'm typing this in class. 

Well, school hasn't been the best of times, discovering that tertiary life isn't as great as it seems, or probably it's just me. Indifferent, different. When everything turns out to be different, not like what you expect, what would you do? I'd be at my most contradicting side, well fuck it line, what are you talking about. I feel deceived even by my own soul, well again there's the part when I try to be cool about what ever that's happening. Like, you know, stay calm, stay yourself, and when you try staying yourself, your sanity feels like it's beating you up, making you feel like the most insane person floating on this planet.

Ha, school reminds me of X, words he said still runs through the back of my mind, clearing every bit of sanity left in me, but then again, I realized that I shouldn't be entertaining the thought about it, I realized I shouldn't be here thinking about the one who walked away. I mean, life isn't a bed of roses, I've spent 18 years realizing that, fretting over the slightest issues, but who am I to get worked up about bed and roses. 

hahaha, fuck you line what are you talking about .

I'm withering, I am.