Recently I've been feeling really down reading about suicides and young kids finding life so miserable. I don't know if it happens to just teenagers in the states or it happens to every teenager. It sucks thinking about death don't you think so? And if you're capable of thinking about death, that would seem like your life pretty much sucks so bad you don't wanna live. Well, you're stronger than you think you are. Suicides aren't solutions. To break the term suicide down, it means you're admitting defeat to the pushovers in life. When I was 13/14, I used to think that "why not just jump it off, you wouldn't feel anything anymore, no more nags no more shit from your parents", then when I had broke off in certain relationships I'd say "fuck this. I rather die than to feel any of this", the cycle kept continuing and I realized I became really unhealthy. Trust me, I thought death was the best solution out of everything.
I'm going to tell you it isn't. If you "coincidentally" stumbled onto this page and you're feeling this way, please know that you're better than this. You're just shutting yourself out of the world because you feel as though you don't deserve any better, but you do. You don't know who I am and I don't know who you are either, but I'd want you to stay strong for yourself. I know you can.
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Ha. I don't know know why I been feeling so emotionally recently, probably it was because of an article I was reading about while researching about the featured writing assignment. It was horrifying - not just the story, my assignment was horrifying. I was notified that I had a submission on Thursday and my assignment was due on a Friday when I had plans on Friday night already, so.... I sucked it up and sloth myself to start the 2000 word essay, but I managed to submit it on the so #gdjobline.
It's finally Saturday. I been a real ass, one heck of a..... idk la. I been shopping so much recently I'm going broke. It's depressing to see how my account drains so quickly....... so depressing. I swear. There wasn't much of highlight of the week, other than meeting the boy's friends for the first time. It was good I guess. Other than that, I had a pretty no-plans sort of week. Depressing la.
So much have been happening verbally, so many things to catch up on, but I'm so reluctant to meet anyone for dinner since no one's free for lunch I'd head home. Sigh.
Anyhow, I realized that there's so much into being a writer, it's something. I somehow enjoy doing.
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