wxiline

I don't think I've ever felt like that.
I think I've aupressdd myself long enough. I think I'm about to collapse and just cry. For the first time in a long time, i have finally let myself feel what's being sad all about. I can finally feel what's like to lose a parent. The feeling of losing someone you used to love and adore. I've seen the transition of my life in the last two years, I've seen how everyone changed within two years and it's sad to say but I no longer recognize them. I no longer recognize the people I used to love or the ones that used to care so much about me.

I don't think there's anything worst than destroying someone's dignity. I don't think there's anything worst than losing that flesh attached to your body. I used to say it's okay, she's happy. But so what if she's happy. When she's happy but everyone else isn't, when her happiness destroyed everything. But on my part, it's selfish to want her back even though everything will never be the same. The last two years has been hell. The numerous attempts of suicide and people getting hurts. Is this what the process of happiness has to be? For the first time in the two years I'm celebrating Chinese New Year in Singapore, and it feels odd, knowing that I am not gonna spend it with my entire family. But what's family.

It's all these feelings that surrounds me and I'm not entirely sure what I should do. It's me feeling lost and broken yet I'm not supposed to show it. It's me telling the whole world I'm okay just because I need to be.

I don't even know what's going on,
I don't know what's wrong with me blabbering here and having so much feelings in me.