Talked about something where you felt really stupid because you can't seem to put your fingers around
Or even thought about your current situation against the future.
They are the ones which scares me most.
My mind tends to fight against all odds when I'm alone, I ponder and realize that I'm standing still in every situation and I tend to allow my mind to wander in. It's been awhile since I felt the need to put myself in a situation where I couldn't fight against. In the most complex situation I end myself up in, I tend to tell myself "it's okay" or "i don't know"; but it's words to cover up the surface of your mind. it's okay doesn't seem to be the most confronting to use.
It's like putting yourself into this box of all your little fears, but all you are capable of doing would be closing your eyes, and allow those fears to take your mind away from sanity. Well, I've always had a fear of cargo lifts, and I had to take one alone today, so........ I kind of got alittle shaky out of it though it was just 2 levels down. Pathetic, I know.
What shakes me even more would be how scary it is when I think about the future against my current state. Asking yourself what you expect out of the future, and knowing nothing you have right now is part of what you expect, it's quite a horrifying scare.
Maybe it's because I set my expectations too high, or maybe it's because I place myself into that situation where I think I've to meet certain expectations, hence I set one I expect out of myself even higher, but what for expect so much out of yourself, you get nothing back - nothing.
>: i'm having a bad day cause I heard something stupid. And I thought to myself, maybe cause I can't understand the situation the person is in. It makes me so mad when I can't put my finger around something, it makes me feel really uncomfortable when I can't lay my finger down. But guys, if you say something really dumb or something that makes you sound stupid, I rather you not say it. I feel utterly speechless for things I hear when and being unable to respond would be another stupid factor. Well there goes.
Goodnight x
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