Change

I lost everything and the last thing I need now is to lose you.
2015 wasn't that great, I lost every bit of independency and adapted to clinging on to you. I forgot the importance of having personal space and left you there to see me in every broken way. Well, I thought we were happy, no doubt. I like my life back in 2015, I didn't need to bother about what was going to happen at home and shifted my priorities because I felt like things at home was considered a norm. I cried once in awhile when they called, and had you on the spot. I became vulnerable and weak and relied so much on you.

I told you this year would be different. At the point when I told you it was going to be, I honestly didn't know what to expect or how it was actually going to be different, my main motive was solely to stay with you and be by you.
But I finally figured it out. I figured that I could not have my happiness solely relying on you the moment I figured my family was gone. I had to love myself enough to be independent. Moving out wasn't about whether I could take care of myself because I know I'm capable of doing so, it was only because I hated being alone, I hate the dark and I fear many things. I say 2016 would be different because I'm going to stand up for the right things, I'm going to stand firm on my belief and know that i deserve to be treated better by others. I can't possibly live in my own comfort and be afraid if every human was going to hurt me. I need friends that I can rely on and people that would make me feel happy. I needed to make sure I ate and didn't fall sick so often or rather, simply taking care of my health the moment j know I was going to fall. I've health issues and my immune system may be the lousiest. I get lonely and I fear being alone.
I say I'll give you your space and I mean it. Giving your space being I would be quiet when you want me to, I'd create a group of friends and be by them when I can so I don't spend every bit of air around you. I want you to gain that space and I want the spark to reunite in us. I really want things to work out and we need to learn how to appreciate and support each other in the most compromising manner. I love you B, and I'm sorry I threw so many break up talk this year. I think that's what happens when I get scared and jittery, and that's something I'm gonna change too. 2016, I need to fix and love myself more.
I'm sorry for what I've done and for not respecting you and your decisions so far. 

Please tell me you will work things out with me and be by me my toughest decision now.