fifty shades.

I wish I could hate you more than I do now, but i'm incapable of hating you so much, incapable.
I really miss you, you know that?



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Well, I've been reading fifty shades of grey, and honestly it's the best book i've ever read, not counting the erotic parts, but based on how profound it is, it's a literature book, so yeah it's profound and rather captivating(somehow).
HONESTLY, I wanted to read the book really badly, but subsequently I thought that...... welll probably this wouldn't be so bad, and I went ahead to buy it, hahaha I felt at soooooooo much guilt at first because all my friends nagged and said I shouldn't get it. Well, I had no regrets reading it, honestly! I'm hooked to the book but definitely not the erotic parts. I spent 22 hours reading 526 pages, i feel accomplished, but the way E L James describes the characters and all their doings, thumbs up for her man.
I don't know if you want me to spoil it, but here's a short snip of what I can summarize the book on:


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Anastasia (Ana) Steele is a 22-year-old college student living in Vancouver, Washington with her wealthy best friend/roommate, Katherine (Kate) Kavanagh. They are both on the cusp of graduating from WSU, where Kate is a journalist for the college paper. She is scheduled to interview the “enigmatic CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc,” Christian Grey, who is a benefactor of the university and will hand out the diplomas at graduation. However, she comes down with the flu and gets Ana to go to Seattle to do the interview in her place. Ana reluctantly heads to Seattle to conduct the interview and is caught off guard when she comes face-to-face with the handsome 27-year-old billionaire CEO. The interview is rather awkward with Ana being rather nervous and Christian being very intense and arrogant with his responses. We learn a few things about Christian: He is a control freak, and he is adopted, and he is not gay (apparently many people think he is because he is never seen with women despite his good looks and status). He even turns the tables and starts asking Ana questions about herself, and we get a slight sense of a flirty attraction between the two. The interview ends, and Christian sees Ana out to the elevators where they part ways.

After reading, Ana rolls her eyes, which has always been a rule-breaker for Christian. She realizes what she’s done, and asks if he wants to spank her now, to which he obliges. However, she teases him by getting him to chase her around the kitchen. He playfully goes along with it and says that it’s almost as if she doesn’t want him to catch her, and she admits that’s exactly what it is. She states, “I feel about punishment the way you feel about me touching you” and he is immediately saddened and horrified by this, showing just how much the notion of anyone touching him makes him fearful. Ana says she lets him spank her because he needs it, and he admits that he does need to hurt her, but nothing that she couldn’t take. She wants to know why he needs to hurt her, and he says that if he tells her the reason, she will run screaming from the room and will never want to return. He doesn’t want to risk losing her because he couldn’t bear it and starts kissing her and begging her not to ever leave him. She senses in all of this, that Christian is lost in some private darkness and needs help. She decides to let him punish her. He is shocked and confused by this change of events, but she insists that he shows her “how much it hurts.” She admits she is confused and not sure about going through with it, but at least they will both know if, once and for all, if she can handle the extent of his need for control.

Christian leads Ana to the playroom and asks her to bend over a bench. She gets herself ready, mentally, telling herself that she can do this. Christian clarifies that he is going to hit her six times with a belt on the butt and that she will count each time. He tells her he is doing this because she rolled her eyes and tried to run away from her, and he doesn’t want her to do that. He begins, and hits her once with the belt and it hurts a lot. With each hit from the belt, Ana is in a lot of pain and cannot control tears streaming down her face despite wanting to control herself. After the sixth and final blow, he immediately embraces her lovingly; however she pulls away and wants nothing to do with him. She calls him a “fucked-up son of a bitch” and leaves the playroom. Christian is completely shocked and does not understand.

Ana cries in the other room, sad that she’s in love with “fifty shades” and that this was all a wake-up call that there is no way she can be with him if she has to endure punishment like that. Christian joins her, bringing her cream and Advil for the soreness on her butt. He holds her and begs for her not to hate him, and she apologizes for the terrible thing she said. She also states that she can’t be everything he wants her to be, and he disagrees, saying that she is everything he wants. She doesn’t understand, saying that she isn’t obedient, and she is “sure as hell” not going to let him hit her ever again like he just did. With a sudden bleak expression, he says, “You’re right. I should let you go. I’m not good for you.” She doesn’t want to go and finally confesses that she has fallen in love with him. He is horrified by this, saying that she can’t love him; that it is wrong and that he can’t make her happy. She claims he does make her happy, but he says “Not at the moment, not doing what I want to do.” With that, she resolves to leave him and asks for some privacy to shower and get dressed. Brokenhearted, Ana takes out a gift she got for Christian (a model kit for a glider) and leaves it for him with a note saying it reminds her of happier times.

Ana and Christian are both fully dressed, and he is taking a call from Welch, his security advisor. He is clearly angry about something and asks Welch to “find her” (at this point, we don’t know who “her” is). He hangs up and watches Ana unpack her MacBook, Blackberry, and Audi car keys and place them on the breakfast bar. She requests the money that Taylor got for selling her Beetle. He tries to convince her to keep all of those things, but she coldly refuses saying she wants nothing that will remind her of him. He writes her a check and offers to have Taylor take her home, and she reluctantly obliges. Before she leaves, he makes another plea for her to stay, but she refuses saying she “just can’t do this.” They part ways and Taylor drives her home. Once at her apartment, she curls up in her bed and cries.

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okay im gonna stop, that's the first chapter and the last chapter, the middle's for you to find out.
but ahhhhhh I'm gonna get fifty shades of darker tomorrow, I can't wait. I mean, don't judge me, I'm honestly not reading for the erotics and i'm in no support if you're getting the book just for the erotic parts, but yeah if you're really on for a modern day love story sort of thing, it's a book I definitely recommend to get, but don't get hooked on to the book like I am.








"I am fifty shades of fucked up" 
Laters baby.