It’s easy to promise and tell him that you will always be there for him. When you’re in a relationship, words will just be words. It’s going to be how you show him and make him feel that he is loved. It’s how you hug him tight after a long and tiring day at work, it’s the way you kiss him on the forehead when they feel worried, it’s the way you sincerely laugh at his silly old joke, it’s the way you rub their his when it aches so bad. It’s the little things that count. It’s not how elaborately you tell him how you will love him. It’s how you show him; it’s how you make him feel.
What makes us all deserve the love that someone showers over.
Never expect - It’s not always about you. Realizing that disappointments are often caused by too much expectation. Being in a relationship means being realistic, understanding, and patient. It isn't a movie and you’re not just a girl standing in front of a boy waiting for him to love you. It's reality; there are no ‘cuts’ and ‘credits’, you don't have ‘scripts’ - and what you do doesn't last for two hours. It lasts for how long you want it to.
There's no denying that what the society we have grown up with gave us a picture of what love is supposed to be. And because of what it says, we grow with expectations, and longing for more and more of it, but we also have disappointments rubbing over our skin when our partner never hit those expectations.
Maybe it's more than disappointment - mad, upset. But no one dares to tell the other what they get disappointed over because you allowed society to paint the picture of an idealistic relationship.
Things such as, Dating a Real Man, 8 Reasons why Real Men Don't Cheat, 12 Things to say to your partner everyday, 10 Things real men do, 15 signs the man you're with is a great guy, 15 Dos and Donts when dating, 15 Signs you're in the right relationship, 10 ways to prevent cheating. YUP. Trust me, this is just the few that you read and sometimes share it off facebook as well.
*Neither am I trying to state there is no good articles out of all this.
My point is, if you're reading so much into this, your subconsciousness builds an idealistic boyfriend and what he should or should not do when you're mad, pmsing, upset - basically raging in emotions. But where's the thrill of painting your own canvas when it's already painted with expectations all around?
I won't deny that I don't expect anything from B, but I realized that my expectations were building based on reading so much. I once made a remark "He drops me a 'Good Morning' everytime he wakes up, well that's what he does", and my friend replied "No. That's not something that's a must-do in a relationship, you should be glad that he does it and not take it for granted". And that's when I realized good mornings aren't just a daily text, it's something that you're actually given a choice to send that to start off someone's day or not.
Being in a relationship means accepting him, so why expect more of what he already is? You accepted him for his dreams, frustrations, annoying mannerisms, so why want to alternate who he is to reach those expectations. It's a fact that you can never fix him to what you want and that you have to let him be who he is. If you try so hard to mold him into the person you want to be, then maybe you shouldn't be with the person you're dating.
"It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along." You meet in the middle. It's not about what you always want to happen, or vice versa. Figuring out how to understand and become more open to what each of you wants. It’s what you two want, and how you two will work it out.
That also makes misunderstandings inevitable. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship. It’s crap that people aim for perfection. Argument will come no matter what. It’s not healthy if you don’t fight because arguments make you realize how much you want your relationship to work. You cannot always agree on everything. That's bullshit. Fights will only be unhealthy if it’s already irrational and if it happens on a daily basis.
There's no lie when you hear the line "The way our generation takes relationship is dying". Or when you hear your girlfriend telling you "Why doesn't he just 'know what to do', cause it's basic knowledge 101" (ya, i kinda hear myself in that sentence more than half the time). And I had to realize that expecting things isn't the way to go. But here's where communication comes in place.
You will learn how to become more open with him because that is what relationships are all about. You are yourself when you’re with him, and he will not judge you for that.
If you don't say it, he will never know. Trust me, guys are the dumbest when it comes to hinting. I learnt never to hint no matter how obvious you think you are, don't bother. If you want it, ask. But know your limits as well, please don't be the gold-digger kind of person because here's another fact: no matter how much you say you aren't a gold digger, expecting your boyfriend for a gift that can cost $200 and getting upset actually makes you seem like one. For real.
Don't go overboard with the money issue. As much as you love the way he pampers you with buying you dinner or paying on dates, don't ever take it for granted or treat it like oh he's supposed to because there isn't a rule that said the guy takes on paying for everything -
Yeah, we do get a sense of security when it comes to guys paying for our meals, I mean it's a sense of security for the future, you know that he would be able to afford such things, especially when you're considering to have a family with him one day. But expecting him to pay all the time? I rather it just be oh you pay today, I pay for the next date. because i'm not much of a calculative person, I don't like splitting bills and buying him meals actually do make me happy, like I know my boy's well-feed and full, seeing him fat makes money much more worth it to invest on than buying another dress. Yes B, I want to make you fat. hehe. But that's what we do, we hardly split we just buy each other meals on alternate dates.
He has his friends, his time doesn't run 24/7 around you. Yes he's your boyfriend but you can't be the only person in his life, yes he prioritizes you in his life, but he needs his bros too.
Give. Each. Other. Space - Being clingy girlfriend isn't the way to go. He needs time on his own cause frankly, your energy level can be rather exhausting to manage at time that he actually needs to regenerate. Ha, that's what I think about myself at least. But yeah, I stay two streets away from B, merely a 7 minutes walk to his place and I get to see him whenever I want to as long as he's free, but I know that there are days where you just got to let him be on his own and the phone (that I truly detest) is the only form of communication.
Space isn't always that bad. Spending most of your time with each other may be the cause for you two to split up. It’s also nice to give each other time to breathe because we also need time to spend with ourselves. Distance will not only challenge the both of you, but it will also make you realize that missing each other isn't so bad after all.
This was one of the dreadful weeks where I got upset at many things, I was a emotional roller-coaster and cried for all the minor reasons, well B had to deal with me for all that. And no matter how uncontrolled I got, he managed to pull through with me. and I'm thankful he didn't run away this week. Because I had alot of realization to do and I'm starting to try getting rid of the "he should know and I don't want to tell him because it's just a he should know what" kind of mindset, because the key to my relationship is communication.
Technically, that's how we fell in love too, wait till you hear about the story of how he had his arm over me and the day where I realize he was not just a friend anymore.
Stop overthinking, he’s not hiding anything from you. You have to start believing in him because he also gets hurt whenever you think otherwise. Trust is the hardest thing to give, earn, and do whenever you’re in a relationship. But little by little you will get to learn how to give it. Trusting someone is equivalent to loving them.
I'm happy. and frankly, that's all that matters to me now. I'm pretty excited for what throws happens next, but I know I'm going to start with that blank canvas again.
It may be hard to do all of these and know the perfect amount love to give each other. Humans love things they cannot define. It’s not like there’s a formula for a perfect relationship, or certain ingredients on how you can make a relationship work. It’s all about balance.
Space isn't always that bad. Spending most of your time with each other may be the cause for you two to split up. It’s also nice to give each other time to breathe because we also need time to spend with ourselves. Distance will not only challenge the both of you, but it will also make you realize that missing each other isn't so bad after all.
This was one of the dreadful weeks where I got upset at many things, I was a emotional roller-coaster and cried for all the minor reasons, well B had to deal with me for all that. And no matter how uncontrolled I got, he managed to pull through with me. and I'm thankful he didn't run away this week. Because I had alot of realization to do and I'm starting to try getting rid of the "he should know and I don't want to tell him because it's just a he should know what" kind of mindset, because the key to my relationship is communication.
Technically, that's how we fell in love too, wait till you hear about the story of how he had his arm over me and the day where I realize he was not just a friend anymore.
Stop overthinking, he’s not hiding anything from you. You have to start believing in him because he also gets hurt whenever you think otherwise. Trust is the hardest thing to give, earn, and do whenever you’re in a relationship. But little by little you will get to learn how to give it. Trusting someone is equivalent to loving them.
I'm happy. and frankly, that's all that matters to me now. I'm pretty excited for what throws happens next, but I know I'm going to start with that blank canvas again.
It may be hard to do all of these and know the perfect amount love to give each other. Humans love things they cannot define. It’s not like there’s a formula for a perfect relationship, or certain ingredients on how you can make a relationship work. It’s all about balance.
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When you start realizing that this is the first person you have truly been yourself with. The one that brings out the best in you and the most vulnerable version of yourself. While you're terrified of what that means, the desire to love them outweighs the fear of not loving him. You understand what love means, for the first time you feel like you do because of the way he treats you.
The moment when you walk out from one of the worst season in your life and he's still there to love you even when you acted terribly and took your frustration out on him. But the very fact that he is still there, loving you despite your flaws, completely. Is a miracle in of itself and it guts you because it's so much love than you can give.
The moment when you walk out from one of the worst season in your life and he's still there to love you even when you acted terribly and took your frustration out on him. But the very fact that he is still there, loving you despite your flaws, completely. Is a miracle in of itself and it guts you because it's so much love than you can give.
This is one of the reason why I love you so much, B.
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